Pretty Wild
by MariBrian
Summary: When Tanya Denali's infidelity is splashed across the cover of a tabloid magazine, Edward Cullen finds himself in the center of a media frenzy. As luck should have it, a fellow actor offers Edward a place to hide out. While grieving, he gets an unsuspected guest, Isabella Swan, the reckless daughter of a rockstar and supermodel, who just wants a little attention. OOC. AH.
1. Chapter 1

**** ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER****

*****PLEASE REVIEW!*****

**************KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY THAT'S LOOSELY BASED OFF AN ACTUAL EVENT**

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**Chapter 1**

**EPOV**

It was all anyone was talking about. 'Explosive Pictures! Tanya Caught Cheating on Edward!' When my Publicist called me 9:00 tonight about the upcoming Us Weekly feature, I didn't believe it. The tabloids were always running these bogus stories about us, hell last week we apparently secretly eloped because Tanya was pregnant, so this just had to be another load of bullshit.

So why wasn't Tanya answering her phone? And why isn't she home? And more pressing, why is my publicist coming over? We usually laugh over these magazines, not once in the four years since I have shot into super-stardom has she come over to discuss damage control. So why now?

I grabbed my cell and tried calling Tanya for what felt like the 20th time in the last thirty minutes. Just like all the others, it went straight to voicemail. My stomach started doing summersaults. I couldn't take this any longer; I grabbed my computer and Googled Tanya Denali.

There were at least a dozen pictures of them together, Tanya and Alistair Charles, the director of her latest film. Pictures of them kissing in her car, them standing outside embracing, their bodies pressed together. Christ, they were even holding hands while they were walking. Out in public during broad daylight no less!

I sat back on the couch and just stared at all the pictures, numb and unsure of how to feel. These had to be fake, that's the only possible explanation. There was no way she would be so stupid to sneak around in public with a married man. Plus, there was no way she would cheat on me. _She loved me_. But why wasn't she answering her God damn phone?

I looked at the time and it was 11:00, two hours have passed since the news broke and I haven't heard a peep from her. This has to be a big misunderstanding. If they weren't photoshopped I'm sure they were just taken out of context, it happens all the time.

I tried calling Tanya, again, to no avail. Where the fuck was she? She was only going to the gym… and that was over six hours ago. That uneasy feeling reappeared. I stood up and started pacing, I need something to calm my nerves. I walked over to the bar and grabbed a bottle of Whiskey, pouring myself a double.

She couldn't have cheated on me, I told myself, _she loves me._

I drained the glass in two gulps.

Just then I heard someone buzz from the security gate. I leapt off my stool and ran towards the phone. Maybe it's Tanya?

Christ! What am I thinking! She knows the code, we share this damn house. She would just drive up. "Hello?" I said into the intercom.

"Edward! Let me through! The place is swarming with Paps!" I heard Jessica's voice and my heart sank. She has to know something if she's making house calls.

A couple minutes later, she burst through the door talking a mile a minute on her Blackberry. I just sat there and helped myself to another drink.

"Pour me one." She said as she hung up the phone, sitting down next to me. "So, would you like the good news or bad?" She ask as she slapped a copy of Us Weekly on the bar counter. The picture that glossed the cover was of me and Tanya, with a tear mark separating the two of us. In the corner was a picture of Alistair embracing her from behind and placing a kiss on her shoulder.

_Tanya caught cheating!_

I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. I just sat there staring. This is some damn good retouching.

"Ok then!" Jessica drained her glass and set it back on the counter with a loud thud. "First off, I'm sorry." She placed a hand on my forearm and I looked up at her. She's sorry, why? This is all just a bunch of bullshit! Isn't it? I just cleared my throat.

"I managed to get a copy of this trash before it hits stands tomorrow" she flicked the magazine with a manicured nail "and I want to get you out of here before the shit really hits the fan."

The shit hits the fan? What? "What are you talking about?"

"Have you looked outside your window? There's got to be at least twenty paparazzi waiting outside the gate."

I looked up at her and finally saw what kind of state she was in. She looked a mess. This was bizarre, she was usually so well put together, her white button up shirt was wrinkled and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. "What happened to you?" I asked filling up my glass to the brim.

"Ha-ha" She said snatching my glass before I could take a sip. "I do have a life and this just added about ten years to it." She took a long sip. "Seriously though, I'm not going to release a statement, unless you really want me to but I would seriously advise against it. It's a personal matter frankly, so people will understand if you don't care to speak about it. It will be a lot better for your professional image as well, not blabbing all your dirty laundry. Plus, you already have the publics' sympathy, so we don't want to milk it too far. You don't want to come off as oh poor me. Anyway, I'm assuming you'll want to keep what little dignity you have left." She tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "But, in the meantime, people are still going to want to hear your side of the story so I've arranged for you to hide out for a little while. You don't have any press to do for Metropolis for at least a month and hopefully by then this whole thing will blow over and the press will be able to focus on the movie and not this little scandal."

I took my glass from her, confused. "Why would I make a statement? I've never done that before. And hide out? These are just some bullshit pictures they photoshopped together." I pushed the magazine so it slid off the counter.

Jessica was silent for a long while. Longer than appropriate. "Isn't it?" I asked, panic evident in my voice.

"Honey, I think this is something you need to discuss with Tanya." She patted my shoulder and stood up. "But once that is done, you're going to need some place to go and I just got off the phone with Charlotte Randall, she offered you her home in Carmel. I've arranged for a U-Haul truck to come pick you up at noon. I've left some boxes by your front door, so you can start packing but just bring enough for a couple of weeks. I'll talk with your assistant to get the rest of your belongings. This is just going to be a decoy so you can get to Carmel unseen. You'll load yourself and your boxes into the back of the truck- and that is key! Make sure you go into the back so no one will see you. The truck is going to take you to an apartment complex that has a private parking garage and inside will be a white Escalade that's going to drive you to Carmel. Make sure you hide in the backseat when you leave the complex. It's about a six hour drive from LA, so be prepared. I would book you on a flight but it's too risky. Someone will spot you at the airport and you're safe house will be swarming with pap's before you can say fuck off. I'll be in touch with you but I just want to you relax, clear your head and prepare yourself mentally for the Metropolis press tour, the next few weeks are going to be tough but you'll get through it." She placed a kiss on my cheek. "Chin up, Edward. Things will get better."

What the fuck? "Wait! What the hell? Charlotte Randall? Why am I staying with her? Can I get a little more information here?" I ran a hand through my hair, this was just too much.

"Eddie. Charlotte. Randall. You just filmed Metropolis with her? You two were connected at the hip all through production? Anyway, you won't be staying with her, she's with her family in LA but from what I hear her family estate in Carmel is gorgeous. She is just concerned about you because she knows what it's like to go through these scandals; her niece certainly knows how to cause a media frenzy. But that's beside the point, Charlotte is just looking out for your best interest and that of the movie. In times like this, the best thing to do is lie low until it all blows over."

"Clear my head from what!?" I almost shouted. Christ, this woman was my publicist, couldn't she tell me anything?

"Edward, are you really that dense?" She patted my shoulder "Tanya's fucking Alistair Charles! I say you throw all her shit out on the lawn. She really doesn't deserve you."

Suddenly, it was like Jessica was speaking Mandarin. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. "No." was all I managed to spit out. I couldn't believe it.

"Listen, talk to Tanya and figure out what you want to do. If you decide to stay together then call me tomorrow morning and I'll cancel the truck. If not, be ready by twelve and get ready for the ride of your life." She waved and strutted down the hallway. "Give her Hell!" She yelled.

I heard the front door click and was once again greeted by silence. _So it was true_? I was suddenly furious. I grabbed the bottle of Whiskey and started walking around the house Tanya and I shared together. We just moved into this house a little less than a year ago, right after she finished filming The Beast, _with Alistair Charles_, I suddenly felt sick. Was she screwing him while they were on location? And then she came home to play house with me? Christ, we even adopted a fucking dog together. I walked over to the couch where Riley was fast asleep and sat down next to the mutt, clinging to my bottle of Whiskey.

Somewhere near the bottom of the bottle, I passed out.

I was awoken by a pounding in my head and loud bangs coming from upstairs. _Fuck._ I opened an eye and noticed I was asleep onto of the bar. How did I get here? Damn, I feel like shit. I walked into the kitchen and popped to Advil and downed a bottle of Gatorade. I looked at the clock and it was 11:00. Shit, I haven't slept in this late in years. I heard more slamming of drawers and my heartbeat quickened. Was that Tanya?

Even though I felt like shit, I darted up the stairs and into the bedroom I shared with her. Sure enough, she was in the closet, throwing things in boxes. S_he was packing up her stuff?_

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

I must have surprised her because she jumped about three feet in the air. "Christ Edward!" She spun around and I noticed her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were tearstained.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I swiftly walked over to her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Oh Edward" she sobbed "I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you. It was a mistake."

_She said it was a mistake? Alarm bells were going off in my head. _ "What?" I pulled back from her and studied her face. "So it's true?"

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and her lip started to quiver. She silently nodded her head.

"How long?" I couldn't even look at her.

"Edward. Please. It was a mistake and I want us to fix this. We can get through it. I love you!"

"A mistake!" I said incredulously. "This isn't a mistake! Burning dinner is a mistake! This is a betrayal!"

She walked over towards me and tried to pull me into a hug. "No. Fuck this." I ran my hands through my hair. I can't believe this whole thing was true. She really cheated on me? How could I ever stay with her? I can't. "No. We're done." I turned and went to walk out of the door but I stopped short. "I'm moving out." I said as I turned and left the room, slamming the door as I left.

I looked at the clock and I still had some time to pass before the truck was coming to pick me up for Carmel and I was suddenly so thankful for Jessica and Charlotte. I'll have to call her and thank her. I grabbed another bottle of Whiskey and waited.

Once the U-haul truck pulled up, I walked inside without looking back, leaving all my belongings behind.

* * *

**BPOV**

As I was waiting to board my flight at T.F. Green, I was wondering what my next move was going to be once I got off the plane and landed in Los Angeles. I quickly realized I needed somewhere to go and obviously, my parent's house was out of the question. Even in the unlikely circumstance that they would actually notice I was home, I just didn't feel like explaining why I was there instead of away at college, like I was supposed to be. Maybe I could go to the beach house in Malibu? I'm sure no one will be there. A little sand and sun is just what I need to get over this little bump in the road! I mentally patted myself on the back. Now that I had a plan, my first priority is to get a car. I quickly pulled out my cell and Googled the number for the Mercedes Dealership.

"Hello Beverly Hills Mercedes, this is June how may I direct your call."

I fanned my fingers out in front of me to examine my manicure. The red polish was all chipped and worn. "Hi. I need to get a G-glass Mercedes delivered to LAX at 6:30. I'll need it in white with black interior and I'll need 22" white rims also." I pinned my phone to my ear with my shoulder while I picked at a cuticle. "Soooo yeah. Are you ready for my credit card number?"

I heard laughter on the other end of the line and I was a little put off. "Is there a problem?" I asked, digging through my bag for my wallet.

"Ma'am, please hold." I heard the woman say just before the line went dead. Did this bitch really just hang up on me? How freaking rude! I quickly dialed the number again and the same snobby girl picked up the phone. "Hi. Remember me? I don't have time to deal with your incompetence in such menial tasks like answering a fucking telephone. I need to get a car ASAP, so can I please talk to someone who isn't going to be cunt? Kay thanks." I said more than a little annoyed. I let out of a puff of air, if only RISD didn't kick me out on such short notice then I wouldn't be in this predicament and I would have some time to ship my car from Rhode Island to California. But obviously they don't believe in karma, seeing how that bitch got what she deserved, and now I need to make other arrangements. Uptight assholes.

"Hello. Beverly Hills Mercedes, this is Tyler. I hear you're interested in coming in to look at the G series?"

"Hi. I don't have time to come in. I'm flying in from Rhode Island and I need a car, like yesterday. So like I told that rude bitch before, seriously you should fire her, I'd like a white on black with 22" white rims. My flight lands at 6:30 terminal 4. Are you ready for my credit card number?" I asked as I pulled my American Express card from my wallet.

"Um, Ma'am we are currently not able to process this transaction over the phone but I would be more than happy to set you up with a car service that can pick you up from the airport and bring you to the dealership so we can get you set up with a new G-Wagon in person."

What a crock of shit. I guess I was going to have to drop some names, I quickly scanned the crowd around me and I noticed there were a couple of people staring right at me. Geeze, what's it take to get a little privacy? I know I don't exactly blend in but do people need to gawk? I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself, the embarrassment was already seeping out my pores. "Look Tyler, this is supposed to be a surprise for my Dad, Charlie Swan" I tried to whisper his name but I noticed the woman across from me nudge the guy to her right. Shit! She must have heard. "See, I'm meeting him for dinner tonight and I wanted to give him the car as a present and I really won't have time to stop at the dealership, so can I just give you my credit card and we can get this thing going?" The lie just slipped right off my tongue.

"Charlie Swan? Like, _Quest's_ Charlie Swan?" I could hear the excitement in his voice.

I let out a sigh. It's amazing what two little words can do. Seriously, I guess when your Dad is the lead singer for one of America's greatest rock bands, it really opens some doors. I mostly find it annoying.

"Yep" I said making a popping noise on the p. "Like I said before, my names Izzy Swan." I could hear the hushed whispers of the people around me and I knew a blush was creeping up my neck. I let my long locks fan over my face.

"Izzy Swan?" He paused for a moment. "As in Isabella Swan?" I could literally hear the gears turning in his brain. "Oh! I'm sorry for the confusion Miss Swan! Yes, yes we'll get everything sorted out for you."

I sat there nodding my head.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you like your birthday present? I was the one who helped your Mom pick it out."

Was this a test? "The E550? It's all right." I said nonchalant. I really don't have time for games.

"Um, well. Err, great. So, you said you wanted a White G class? We only have black here but if you can just hold for a moment I can check the Mercedes' in Encino for you."

I was looking at everyone around me and more and more people were starting to stare. Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have come here without a disguise. I suddenly had the urge to get out of there fast before I was bombarded with questions. "Well, I'm actually kind of short on time but whatever G class you can get me is fine."

"Ah! No problem Miss Swan. We have your Dad's card on file here, I'll just charge it to that account and we can finalize all the paperwork at LAX. What terminal was it again?"

_Seriously, what a difference._ "Terminal four. Six thirty." I said a little too antsy, I just wanted to get off the phone and away from all these gawking people.

"Ok. Sure thing. See you then Miss Swan."

"Later." I quickly hung up the phone and grabbed my bag to make a quick getaway. I stood and turned just as I heard a woman shout "Izzy! You're Izzy Swan! I thought I recognized you!" I started speed walking away, pretending I never heard a thing.

As I walked through the terminal, I stopped in little convenience mart and grabbed a black baseball cap that had PROVIDENCE written in bright yellow letters. It was hideous but it might just offer me some privacy. Lord knows once I land in LA I'll need it. I wonder if the media has found out about my expulsion yet. I'm sure if they don't know by now, they will definitely know by the time I land in LA. I sighed and walked over to the wall of magazines and started scanning the covers. I didn't bother even looking at the tabloids. It was the same stuff, different day. Hot celebrity diets, some reality star posing with her new baby, bachelorette drama, celebrity breakup and I'm sure half of the shit wasn't even true. Though, I was pleased to see I wasn't on the cover of any. This was a first.. maybe because I've been stuck in this Podunk town for the last six months. I stopped at a picture that grabbed my attention. What the fuck is this! I picked up a copy of Glamour that had my mom featured on the cover. Oh, hell. 'Super Model to Super Mom: How Renee Randall balances kids, a rockstar husband and staying hot.' The tagline said. I actually snorted, what a crock of shit! I doubt that woman even knows she has a kid! This I have to read, I started flipping through the pages as my cell phone started ringing to the familiar tune of Mariah Carey's Fantasy.

"Jake!" I squealed into the phone. "Please tell me you've seen the Glamour Magazine Renee is on. Her PR team must be making bank."

"Izz, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into now?" I heard Jakes scolding voice. Hmph, hi to you too.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jakey." I said as I tossed the magazine to the side in favor of a bag of Twizzlers. How did he find out about my expulsion already? It only happened yesterday. I walked over to the register and pointed to the cap as I handed over my credit card.

"Please, don't be coy. There's a high-larious video of you on Gawker. Never knew you were such a pyro." He sounded pissed… pissed he missed it. Frankly, it was a great time.

Ugh. I groaned and opened my candy taking a bite of licorice. "There's a video?" I said with a smile.

"Yeah. You're dancing around a huge fire like a witch doctor, double fisting vodka bottles. It's everything."

"I wonder who took a fucking video." I was thinking out loud. Angela? Ben? No, they wouldn't do that to me. Well, maybe they would?

"You didn't know about this? I thought this was part of the latest piece in James Screen's exhibit."

I cringed at the mention of his name. "It wasn't his idea but he had a hand in it." That hand was just all over my bitch of a roommate.

"Seriously, you're killing me here. Did he make you burn all your shit? I swear to God if you burned that new Chanel jumpsuit I sent you l will personally fly out to that dump of a state and slap you until you get your senses back."

I laughed. "Have some faith honey. I would never burn my own stuff, just Victoria's." I said shrugging my shoulders. Serves that ho right, screwing my boyfriend. Well, technically I guess I was never really his girlfriend… officially.

"Shut. Up. Bitch spill?" I was walking back towards my gate and I saw the crowd had thinned, they must be boarding.

"Umm… well I can't really talk right now but how do you feel about meeting me at the Malibu house in say, eight hours?" I was practically running towards the plane.

"Hooker, how you think I'm going to wait eight hours to hear this story is beyond ridiculous. Give me all the dirty details."

I sighed. Whatever. "Ok, long story short. James came to visit me and I was going through his pictures and there were all these naked body parts and at first I was like awww, and then I saw boobs that had these pancake nipples and I was like what the fuck, these aren't mine. Anyway, I kept looking through the pictures for some clues as to who this skank was, and remember how I told you Vic had that butterfly tattoo on her inner thigh? Like some kind of stripper? Well, there it was, pink wings and all! And he had like fifty pictures of her nasty tattoo. So of course I flipped! Like why the hell was he interested in her? She's a crazy lunatic. So I smashed his camera and went back to my apartment. And there she was, all phony and fuck so I waited until she left to go develop some pictures and I threw all her shit out the window then Angela helped me pile it into my car. We drove like an hour away from Providence to some sketch field and I lit her shit on fire. I shot the pictures for my Documentary Photography class and presented them the next day and they expelled me on the spot. Seriously! It was the next day! Can you believe that? I worked my fucking ass off setting everything up and pulling an all-nighter so it was done on time and this is how they reward all my hard work? Just because Victoria threatened to sue!" I was so worked up all over again. "So much for artistic fucking freedom. Apparently it excludes and I quote 'the destruction of other's personal property.' Fucking assholes. Seriously, she's the one who's a whore and I'm the one who has to pay for it! It's totally not fair." I was practically screaming. A woman turned around to look at me and I glared back at her.

"Fuck Izz. What are you going to do? I'm sure Dad could get you back in."

"Nah, I'm so over the whole photography thing anyway. It's just not for me."

"Right." His voice was laced with sarcasm. "So, you got kicked out of school and dumped by your boyfriend? Sounds like you've had a fucked up week. I'll bring the Tequila."

"He didn't dump me!" I screeched. "I read he's shooting Emma Roberts out in LA… maybe I'll run into him. " I dug through my bag for my ticket and handed it to the woman. "Miss you'll have to end your call." She said and I held up a finger to tell her to wait a moment. I was having a serious conversation.

"Bitch. Get real. This guys a total loser! You should have burned his shit too. Why are you still into him?" Jake said.

"Hello. He needs me, I'm his muse. He said I was the Edie Sedgwick to his Andy Warhol." If that's not love I don't know what is. I flipped up my hair to check for split ends.

"Oh my God. Do you hear yourself? You're living on the corner of pathetic and delusional."

The flight attendant cleared her throat.

Ugh! How could he say this to me! No I wasn't! "Whatever, you're dumb. So I'll see you in Malibu? I really just need to relax and I miss you." I whined into the phone. "Plus I need some pot." I added sweetly.

"Izz, Renee's having the beach house renovated. It's completely uninhabitable. Just come home."

"What the hell! Where am I supposed to go?" I was in full on panic mode.

"Miss! Are you getting on the plane or not?" I turned around and noticed I was the only person left at the gate. "Duh."

"Listen Jake I have to go. I'll call you when I land!"

"Wait!" I heard him say as I hung up the phone and walked onto the plane. Fuck… where the hell was I going to go? Well, at least I had eight hours to think about it. I found my way to my first class seat and grabbed my Ipad, I was kind of curious to see this video Jake was talking about.

I opened up Gawker and clicked on the tagline 'Izzy Swan', seriously I was this newsworthy that this website had a forum about me? I opened the link and saw the video with a little description.

_Izzy Swan, demonstrating she still doesn't give a fuck. Rock on._

I rolled my eyes and let out an audible sigh. I did that because I did give a fuck! Couldn't these people ever get anything right? I clicked on the video and was mildly entertained for about 2.5 seconds, when I saw that they made my statement look more like a drunken bonfire. It was art I wanted to scream! Frustrated, I tossed my Ipad back into my bag and tried to get some sleep.

One fantastic nap later, we were taxing to the terminal at LAX and I had a plan. I was going to go to our family home in Carmel, why I didn't think of it sooner is beyond me. I would have saved myself a six hour drive. I waited at the baggage claim and eventually had all fourteen of my bags. Seriously, fourteen. It was a fucking nightmare. After singing on all the dotted lines, I was officially cruising to Carmel in my new G Wagon, my new, white G Wagon may I add. After making a pit stop at In-N-Out burger and picking up an ounce from my favorite dealer, I began my road trip.

An hour into my drive, my cell phone started ringing. It was Jake. Shit! I forgot all about him! "Hey honey boo boo." I said.

"Izz, I saw you landed at LAX. What the fuck are you wearing? You need me more than I thought. I could see your nipple rings."

I looked down at my hot pink pants and thin white racer back tank top. I guess it was kind of see through. Maybe that's why people were staring at me but I quickly brushed that aside. I was wearing a leather jacket after all….

"And your Providence hat! I was dying!"I heard Jake laughing. "I thought you were trying to lay low!" More laughter. "You really don't stick out at all with electric blue hair and nipple rings." More laughter.

I don't get what was so funny…. I liked my outfit… and why was he making fun of my hair! "It's only highlighted blue, asshole."

It took a moment or two for his laughter to die down and I just sat there silently stewing. "Anyway, where are you?" His voice echoed through the car.

"I'm on my way to the house in Carmel. What are you doing? Come see me! Please! Please!"

"Can you come pick me up?" I heard him whine into the phone.

"I'm by Santa Clarita, I'm not going back through the valley again. Anyway, what would I tell our parents? Just drive up and meet me there!"

Jake snorted. "Like they'd even realize you shouldn't be there. Anyway, Renee is recovering from a chemical peel so she's held up in her room popping Ambien like tic tacs and Dad is in London recording with Paul McCartney."

I didn't feel like dealing with this. "Look, you're breaking up. Just meet me there! Bye!" I yelled into the phone and I cranked Kings of Leon as loud as it could go. Why the fuck didn't he tell me that before? I would have just went home? Whatever, I debated turning around for a hot minute but I already had my heart set on a relaxing couple weeks in Carmel. Plus, if my little video was online, it was only a matter of time until my expulsion became public knowledge and the last place I needed to be when that shit hit the fan was LA.

Once got off the exit for Carmel, I pulled to the side of the road and rolled a joint. Seriously, I needed it after that long drive. Once it was halfway done, I pulled back onto the road and drove the familiar way to my family home. I seriously loved this place, the few decent memories I had with my parents are here, though really, any memory I have with my parents are few and far between.

As I was driving down the long driveway to the estate, I was so high I probably shouldn't have been operating a vehicle. I swear that the leaves on the trees were little people that were dancing. I slammed on the brake and put the car in park. I cranked up the stereo to Modest Mouse and hopped out of the car to dance with them.

Once the song ended, I was panting and I heard some rustling in the darkness. I spun around, frozen in place. What if it was a mountain lion? I screamed and bolted into the car, locking the doors once I was inside. Which made me laugh, like a mountain lion could open the door? Ridiculous. After I calmed down a bit, I started to make my way down the long road. The closer to the house I got, the more paranoid I became. The house was starting to come into focus and I felt my nerves start to dissipate, I was all most there.

Then, out of nowhere, the car went from dead silence to blasting music like some kind of DJ ghost possessed it. The music startled me so much, I screamed and my foot slammed down on the gas, causing me to collide head on with a palm tree.

For a moment, all I registered was crunching metal and then I was sitting flat against the back of my chair. Holy fuck! I started patting down my body making sure everything was still in place.

Head….check

Shoulders….check.

Boobs…. Check.

Stomach….Check.

Legs….check!

Oh thank God! I'm all here! Wait a minute! I pulled down the visor mirror and checked out my face. It looked perfectly normal. It wasn't until then I noticed the air bag didn't even deploy. Well, shit, I could have just died. I grabbed my bag and climbed out of the car. I was about to inspect the damage when I remembered there could be an ax murderer out here and I needed a drink before I was going to deal with all that shit. I walked up to the darkened house and a bunch of outside lights turned on, causing me to let out a little yelp. Calm down Izz, I told myself, they're just on a sensor. Jesus. Maybe this place wasn't such a good idea, it's so dark and deserted. Hopefully Jake will be here soon.

I rolled my eyes and dug through my bag, pulling out my keys. I quickly unlocked the door and typed 1972 to disable the security alarm. I leaned against the door and let out a sigh of relief. I made it!

The house was eerily dark and quiet so I flipped on all the lights downstairs and walked through the house into the bar. Hmm, there's a half empty bottle of Whiskey sitting on the counter. What the fuck is this doing here? Why didn't the maid clean it up? I swiped the bottle and took a large sip as I continued walking though the house. Ugh! Disgusting! I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Hmm…. Well what do I do now? I dug through the cabinets looking for a deck of cards… it looks like I'll have to entertain myself until Jake gets here… I shuffled the cards in the deck and sat down at the kitchen table, I placed the cards face down and tried to guess the color of the card….

Hmm… "Black!" I said out loud, to myself as I flipped the card over. It was red. Hmph. I took a large sip. Let's see…. "This one is going to be… Red!" I flipped the card over and it was black. "Well, here goes nothing" I said as I took a large gulp. The whiskey burnt the whole way down. Fuck! This was disgusting! I played this game for a couple more minutes until I was starting to lose interest. Hmm, all I wanna do is dance! I ripped off my jacket and tossed it onto the couch as I tried to stand up. Whoo. The room did a little spin.

I walked over to the entertainment center and put on the Satellite Radio and played BPM Dance Hits. I turned it up as loud as it could go and started dancing around the room to Tiesto.

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**EPOV**

For the second time today, I was awoken suddenly. This time it was to blasting music. What the fuck was that? I wiped the sleep from my eyes and grabbed my cell phone and looked at the time, it was two o'clock in the morning. So why the fuck was there music playing? Maybe I passed out with it on? I stood up and went to the bathroom to take a leak. I stared at myself in the mirror and I looked like shit. Well, more specifically I looked like I had been drinking all day. Which, I could really use another and I really need to turn that damn music down.

I walked downstairs in just my jeans and I noticed that I left all the lights on. Oh what the fuck. I walked into the kitchen and saw a deck of cards strewn all over the table. Did I play cards? Shit, I don't remember. I guess I did drink a lot. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I was taking a sip as I was walking towards the living room, looking where the source of the music was coming from. I literally spit out my water when I saw her. She had her back to me, blue and chestnut waves hung down past her waist, swaying back and forth as she shook her ass, bouncing around the room with a bottle of Whiskey. I was transfixed by the way she was moving her body, the way she was dancing, she just seemed so carefree. Well, maybe that was because she thought no one was watching her. No one should be watching her, like no one should be here. Besides me! I snapped out of my daze. Who the fuck was this girl and why was she here?

I walked over to the couch and picked up the remote to the entertainment center off the cushion. I shut the music off and it took a few seconds for the mystery girl to stop dancing and take notice. She whipped around to look at me and suddenly I felt extremely self conscious under her intense gaze. She made no move to hide the fact that her eyes were obviously taking in my naked chest, I should have put a freaking shirt on. Though, I didn't mind. She was even more gorgeous than I anticipated. She was tall and slim, while her clothing left little to the imagination. I had to force my eyes away from her chest because her shirt hugged her curves just right, proudly displaying her perky breasts and more specifically, two nipple rings. Her skin was almost ivory, which really contrasted with her dark hair and big brown eyes. Her lips were full and pink, her face was free of makeup and was only accentuated by a tiny rhinestone stud in her nose.

She just cocked her head to the side, giggled and kept on dancing to no music.

Who was this girl? "Who the fuck are you?" I asked in a tone that I hoped didn't convey how curious I was about her. I wanted to sound menacing, to let this girl know she was trespassing. "This is private property! I'll call the police."

She took the last sip of Whiskey and passed me the empty bottle. "You sound like you're from London." She said in a faux British accent as she brushed by me to get to the bar. Her scent filled my nostrils, she smelled sweet with a little hint of pot.

"Yes. I grew up in England…" I said momentarily perplexed. I turned around and followed her over to where she was, grabbing a bottle of Kettle One off the shelf. "Look, I don't know how you got in here but you need to leave."

She laughed. "No need to be rude, you don't see me asking you how you got in here." She grabbed two glasses and poured some vodka into both, sliding one in my direction. She leaned over the bar and I could see directly down her shirt. "What's your name, London?"

"Ed-Edward." I stammered, picking up the glass of vodka and draining it. "I'm serious. I'll call the police. You're breaking and entering."

She laughed and flipped her hair over her shoulder, exposing her long neck. "It's not breaking in if I have a key, so I guess it's just entering." She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

She had a key? "Well, you need to leave. I was promised this house by a friend and she guaranteed I would be alone."

She rolled her eyes at me as if she didn't care a lick about what I was saying. "That's too bad because I make for very good company." She took a large gulp of her drink and sexily bit her lip. I involuntarily sucked in a large breath of air. _I bet you do too._

"What's your name?" I asked.

"You don't know me?" She said a little surprised.

"No?" Shit, was this one of my crazy stalker fans?

A huge smile broke out on her face.

"I'm Izz- actually." She paused to think for a moment. "Just call me Bella." She pressed the rim of her glass to her lips, taking an exaggerated, very sexual sip. I didn't think sipping vodka could be a turn on, but somehow this mystery girl made it hot.

"Ok, Bella?" I said placing my glass back on the table. Wait a minute. It all made sense. My public breakup, a sexy girl showing up at my doorstep, this had Emmett written all over it. "Did Emmett send you here?"

She laughed a little bit and bit her lower lip. "Oooh, who's Emmett? There's another one here?" She asked a little too excitedly. "Is he as cute as you are?"

I was perplexed. Wait a minute, I didn't tell Emmett where I was, come to think of it, I haven't spoken to anyone in my family. "No." I paused for a moment, my mind racing a mile a minute."How'd you know I was here?"

"I didn't." She said taking another sip of vodka.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Riding out the wave." She said cryptically. What the fuck does that mean? "What's your story Edward?" She asked as she brushed by me, making her way over to the large sectional where she laid down on her back.

"You can't stay here." I blurted out.

She rolled over onto her stomach and cradled her chin in her hand. "I can do whatever I want, Edward." She gave me a smile that sent a chill up my spine.

"Well, you can't. My friend Charlotte Randall, who owns this house, lent it to me for a couple of weeks. If you won't leave I'll call the police."

"Be my guest." She said flippantly as she rolled back over.

I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, walking towards the kitchen where I saw a telephone. I grabbed the recover off the wall and stopped with my hand mid air. What will happen when I call the police? They'll come rushing out here and I'll have to file a report? Which will get leaked to the media and subsequently every one will know where I'm hiding out. Christ I haven't even been her 24 hours yet.

"It's 9-1-1 in case you forgot." I was so lost in thought, I jumped at the sound of her voice and quickly hung the phone back on the receiver. I turned around and saw her leaning in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Look, I don't want to have to call the police but you can't stay here." I said mimicking her posture.

"Who says I have to be the one who leaves? This is my house after all." She said arching an eyebrow at me.

"This isn't your house. It's Charlotte's." I scoffed.

She just stood there, silently, almost challenging me.

"Fine, you say this is your house? Then let's just call Charlotte and get this whole thing sorted out." I turned and grabbed the phone.

"Don't!" She yelled. I glanced back at her and she looked at me pleading. _I think I hit a nerve._ I started pressing buttons on the telephone, picking numbers at random since I had no idea what Charlotte's number was off the top of my head, trying to gage her reaction. Bella rushed over to me and yanked the phone out of my hand, hanging it back on the cradle.

"Fine! You win! I'll leave but I crashed my car into one of the palm trees in the driveway. Just let me stay the night and I'll be out of your hair by tomorrow. I promise." Her eyes were frantic, almost pleading. "Just don't call Charlotte."

I studied her face. Her previous calm, cool exterior was replaced by what looked like a nervous, scared little girl. Why was she so worried about Charlotte? She wouldn't hurt a fly.

"How'd you crash your car?"

"It's not important." She said flipping her hair back over her shoulder.

"Why should I let you stay here? You're so scared of Charlotte it obviously means you shouldn't be here." I said leaning back against the granite countertop. I felt good to finally have the upper hand with this girl.

She took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. "I got expelled from school yesterday."

"High school?" I asked.

"No. College, I was going to school at Rode Island School of Design?" She said digging the toe of her shoe into the ground.

"What did you get expelled for?" I needed to know if I should sleep with my door locked tonight or not.

"It was total bullshit. I should really sue them for what they did to me." She said defiantly.

"And that would be?" I made a motion with my hand for her to keep talking.

"They didn't like my art."

"They can do that? Just because they don't like it?"

"Something like that." She shrugged a shoulder and I felt like I wasn't getting the whole story.

"So, you don't want your Mom to find out?" I didn't know that Charlotte had a kid, but she never said she didn't have children. It's the only explanation for Bella's intimidation.

She snorted. Bella actually snorted, I didn't know people actually did that. "Honestly? I don't think my mother even remembers I'm in college. Well, was." She added as an afterthought. She walked back out into the living room and I followed her. I watched her pick up the bottle of vodka and take a large sip. Once she was done, she shook her head and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, making a 'bleh' noise.

I was kind of mesmerized. Watching her was like watching a train wreck, I couldn't help but feel like something horrible was going to happen. "So, what are you so worried about?" I walked over and grabbed the bottle from her. "If she doesn't know you're in school what's it matter if you were expelled?"

She shot me a glance so fierce, I felt like I shrunk two sizes. I held up my hands in a silent apology.

"Charlotte's my Aunt, not my mother and contrary to popular opinion, I do give a shit about what she thinks of me."

Oh. "I doubt Charlotte would be disappointed in you, she's amazing."

"You obviously don't know me, London." With that she turned and walked out of the room.

What was it about this girl? For some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that I would like to get to know her...


	2. Chapter 2

**please review!**

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**CHAPTER 2**

**BPOV**

I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, my heart beating out of my chest. I leaned against the back of the door and took a deep breath. Calm down Izz. He's not going to say anything, you just have to pack up and leave tomorrow. Granted, that shouldn't be very hard since I left everything in the car. But now where am I supposed to go? Home to see my Mom? Forget that. I've already wasted too much of my life listening to her babble on about herself and I'm sure she would somehow turn this whole thing around and find a way to make it about her, again. Anyway, I don't think she'd even want to see me, she's probably too busy doing yoga or a juice cleanse or whatever it is she does. And if I have to hear one more story about Milan or how she was the inspiration for several of Karl Lagerfeld's lines, I will cut my ears off.

So what the hell do I do? Everyone is going to find out eventually, I can only put off the inevitable for so long… I pushed off the door and stared at myself in the mirror. I should just come out and tell them, I was making a statement after all! I mean what's the worse they can do? I thought about it for a moment and couldn't think of anything… except, rehab. What if they send me to rehab again? There's no way I'm going back to The Meadows? That place was filled with people who had serious issues and being around them gave me the creeps. Plus, I didn't even need to be there, all they did was try to diagnose me with all these ridiculous disorders. Like hello? You've known me for five minutes, I don't have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Get real.

I shook my head. Whoa there, Izz, you're getting a little off track. Back to the main issue. Think, Izzy! Think!

I turned on the water in the bathroom and splashed some on my face_._ If I could just hide out somewhere for like two months until the semester ends, then maybe no one has to know I got expelled? And even if the press does find out about it, I could just pass it off as a rumor… That shit happens all the time. I've given the Jolie-Pits a run for their money with the amount of times I've reportedly been pregnant. Anyway, I doubt RISD will confirm it, they made it pretty clear they didn't want my 'actions to tarnish their image'… total _bullshit… _Plus, they made sure I compensated Vic for her contributions to my masterpiece….even more _bullshit_…. So hopefully a little Gucci keeps her quiet. Seriously, I don't know what she was so upset about, her stuff was all junk anyway. She should be thanking me, I did her a favor.

And if no one knows I'm expelled, maybe I can just tell everyone I've decided not to go back to RISD in the fall… Really though, dropping out sounds a hell of a lot better than getting expelled. Now, why did I drop out? Because…. I like to be in front of the camera instead of behind it! _That's perfect!_ I seriously couldn't plan this to be any better! That will tickle my mom pink! We could probably do some mother/daughter shoot, which I'm sure she'll use as a way to restart her career as a model…. And everyone is happy!

I can't believe how everything is coming together so perfectly! I did a little happy dance.

Now I just have to work on Edward. He's the key to the puzzle because I need to stay here, there's nowhere else in the world that's quieter than Carmel, well except Providence. I can't believe he came here for a vacation, who does that? No one that I can think of! He must be really boring… or poor. Hey, maybe I can offer to pay for him to go on a trip somewhere? Bali? Dubai? South Africa? Bora Bora? Any place frankly is better than Carmel. There's nothing to do besides go to the beach! And it's way too cold to do that… Hell, my family doesn't even come to Carmel for vacation, they always used this house when they needed a little break from the spotlight… Wait, is that what Edward is doing? Is that why he wants to stay here so bad? What would he need a break from? Is he even famous? I thought he looked vaguely familiar but he's British? I bet he's one of those people that are super famous in London but not in US yet… like Girls Aloud. And how does he know Aunt Char?

Oh my God! The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, it's so obvious! He's fooling around with her! And duh! That's why he was blowing off my advances! Well that makes me feel a little better, not much but a smidge. _I can't believe Char is hooking up with a younger guy!_

What about her husband, Russell? I mean, Edward is way better looking but still…. _Oh hell no!_ Is this their love shack? EWWW! Maybe if I get him drunk, he'll spill the beans… That's the best way to information. Then, I'll blackmail him into taking a lovely little vacay somewhere tropical so I have the house to myself! And dump my Aunt Char.

_Perfect!_

I took another deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. You are a fine, smart piece of ass Isabella Swan! Maybe I should become a CSI.

I opened the door and pushed my shoulders back, walking out to where I last left the home-wrecking douche bag. "London?" I called out.

"Izz!" I heard a familiar voice shriek. "Izz! Are you alive? Are you here? Oh fuck! Izzy, please don't be dead." I heard someone running through the house and I almost collided straight into them.

"Jake?" I asked somewhat confused. Oh no! Jake was meeting me here! I forgot all about him! This really throws a wrench in my plans…

"Izz" He grabbed my shoulders and his eyes frantically grazed over every inch of my body. "Oh thank God you're all right!" He pulled me into a tight hug. What the hell was up with him? "Yeah?" I said hugging him back.

We pulled apart and he examined me once more. "Well, kind of all right. What the hell have you done to yourself? You look like one of those weird liberal arts majors. He grabbed a lock of hair between his fingers. "When's the last time you brushed this?"

I slapped his hand away. "Look, now isn't a really good time. It's great to see you and all but I have some things I need to deal with. So, come back tomorrow? Kay?"

Jake put his finger against my lips. "I'm not dealing with your shit. I just DROVE SEVEN HOURS to see you. So, put a smile on your face and tell me how happy you are to see me and that I look fabulous." He struck a pose.

"You look okay. Love your shoes." I said, eying his studded loafers.

"Christian Louboutin isn't just for women, honey." He said snapping his fingers three times. "So what the fuck happened out there. I thought you'd gone off and died somewhere." His arms were failing around wildly. "Where'd you get that car? And why are the doors open and the keys in the ignition? I thought someone was chasing you."

He asked me so many questions, I didn't know which one to answer first. So, I just stood there blinking fiercely.

His eyes scanned my face. "Oh my God!" he said, pulling me against his chest. "Is there someone here holding you hostage? Fuck! We have to leave!" He wrapped his arm around me and started ushering me out of the house.

I finally managed to get my bearings, it's like he drank two Red Bulls and popped some Adderall. "What? Where do you think we are, South Central? I just got into a little fender bender." I dug my heels firmly into the ground. I forgot how exhausting it was being around him, people in Rhode Island were much more relaxed.

"With a palm tree? Bitch, were you drinking and driving again? Didn't you just get your license back?" He whipped around and started shaking a brown, manicured finger at me.

Ugh, there he goes again, scolding me like a child. I stopped and grabbed his girly hand. "Love your nails." I needed a distraction and complimenting him was the only way. "Maybe we can go get manicures tomorrow?" I held up my own hands, displaying my chipped polish.

"I know it's totally fab, right?" He said examining his other hand, totally ignoring my predicament.

In that moment, I realized I needed a ride to the nail salon tomorrow, meaning, Jake would be hanging around and I should probably clue him in on my little plan. "Ok, so I need your help." I waved him in to come closer. "There's some guy staying here and I think he's sleeping with Char." I whispered, pointing in the direction of the living room.

Jacob gasp and put a hand to his chest, he was always one for dramatics. "So, we need to find out about the affair, blackmail him and kick him out of this house so I can stay here for the next two months. Okay?" I whispered into his ear.

"Is he cute?" Jake stood up a little taller and pretended to flip his hair over his shoulder. The gesture looked ridiculous since his hair was about an inch long and was covered in so much hair gel that it wasn't going anywhere.

"Yeah, he's really cute and get this, he's British!" I squealed. Oh my God, what was that? I had to mentally check myself, I just had a minor fan girl moment.

"Move out of the way, honey!" Jake pushed me to the side and sauntered in to the living room. "Hello? Where's my sexy Brit?"

I stifled my giggles as I followed Jake. He was swinging his butt back and forth…. This poor guy isn't going to know what hit him.

"Who the fuck are you?" I heard echoing from the other room.

Ding, ding, ding! Let the games begin! I walked out from behind Jake but I was jerked back when he grabbed my arm and pinched me. I whipped around and noticed he was blinking furiously. What the hell? "Did you suddenly develop Tourrettes? What are you doing?" I whispered. Jesus, this guy is so good looking he broke Jake. Looks like I'm in this by myself. I turned around and tried to give my most dazzling smile. Edward was sitting at the bar, drinking.

I think I really like this guy, we have so much in common.

"This is my brother Jake." I said as I walked behind the bar. I grabbed a third glass for him.

"You guys don't look like siblings." Edward said as he eyed Jake.

It's true. We look nothing alike. Jake's Nicaraguan and muscular and I'm as white as they come and scrawny. The only things we have in common are our Father and the fact we both like boys. "He's illegitimate." I said as I knocked back a shot of vodka.

Jake trailed a finger down Edwards's bicep. "What I think Izzy is trying to say is, I'm her half brother. Our father isn't exactly the monogamous type, if you know what I mean."

I snorted, that was the understatement of the century. At one time, Jake's future Mom was my Nanny . Granted, I was too young to remember her but I'm pretty sure she's the reason why I had a new Nanny every 3 months. My mom never trusted them after that.

"So, he came to get you?" Edward asked, eyes darting between the pair of us. I quickly pushed the bottle in Jakes direction and thankfully, he didn't miss a beat, picking up the bottle and taking a large swig.

"Oh darn." I snapped my fingers. "It looks like he's drinking, I guess we better stay the night, it's the responsible thing to do." Jake shot me a wink.

"So, Edward. I saw the tabs. Sucks." Jake said nodding his head up and down.

What? Was their affair leaked to a tabloid already! Shit! I stared at Edward quizzically and he just sat there, looking down at his glass like it was going to start speaking to him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked taking a sip of vodka. I noticed Jake get up and walk over towards the entertainment center where he positioned his phone. That sneaky little thing was taking a video! I was so happy I decided to include him in my little plan, I would have never thought to do that.

"Don't play stupid, it's not cute." Edward broke his silence and I jumped. Did he just call me stupid? That was so rude, someone needs to teach this boy manners.

"Whatever." I said as I took another long sip of vodka. Jake sauntered back over to us and sat down next to Edward.

"So, it's true then? She's screwing around on you, huh?" Jake asked as he propped his elbows up on the bar.

"Well duh! She is married!" I said and they both shot me a look so fierce, I almost felt embarrassed for myself. _Almost._

"Is she slow or something?" Edward turned to Jake and pointed to me.

"Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to point!" I screamed! "At least I don't have some kind of Mommy complex!" I was so furious. I don't know why his words bothered me so much, I didn't even know this guy.

I was barely aware of the fact that Jake was laughing and Edward was staring at me open mouthed. He looked ridiculous. I grabbed the half empty bottle of vodka and stomped off, like a scorned child. Seriously, what was his problem? _I wasn't slow!_ I figured out his M.O. didn't I?

As I was waiting for Jake in the other room, I was vaguely aware of the two boys talking. Why didn't Jake follow me! I can't believe he's still talking with that asshole! I rolled over on the large sectional and started singing, it always calmed me.

Somewhere during my mash up of Oops! I did it again and American Pie, I decided I would forgive Edward.

I stumbled back into the room. "I forgive you." I said as I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "You can't help it." I said as I pressed my body against his bare skin. He smelled so good. Well, actually, he kind of smelled like vodka… or was that me?

I reluctantly let him go and plopped down on the seat next to him. "Who wants to play strip poker!" I said bouncing up and down in my chair. I shot Jake a glance to make sure he knew he wasn't included in this little game.

"What's the point? I can see your tits all ready." Edward said looking over at me and taking a sip from his drink. I noticed a nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the table. Where did that come from? I glanced up and Jake and he gave me a thumbs up. Huh?

I looked down at my chest and shrugged. Did this guy really just say no to seeing me naked? What was happening? Did I get uglier while I was in Rhode Island? "Seriously?" I asked a little embarrassed. I hope it doesn't show.

"Seriously." Edward said refilling his glass. "Can you please put a fucking shirt on? I can't believe you went around in public like that. You fucking LA people, you have no shame."

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling self conscious for the first time in my life. I've never felt so exposed and it had nothing to do with the fact that my boobs were apparently showing. Like what's the big deal? Everyone has them. I walked over to where I threw my jacket from before and slid it on, zippering it up.

"Thank you." Edward said when I returned to my seat. I looked up at Jake and he had the weirdest look on his face. What was his problem?

"So, Edward… you were saying?" Jake seemed to regain his composure and I saw him take a small sip of amber liquid. What the hell was he doing? Nursing his drink? I grabbed my bottle of vodka a little too hastily and ended up knocking it off the bar completely. It landed on the floor with a thud and the sound of shattering glass echoed throughout the room. "Whoops." I said as I reached for the bottle of Whiskey.

A cool hand clasped around my wrist. "I think you've had enough." Edward's eyes bored into mine and all I could do was sit there and blink. It was like my mind went blank. Fuck, he's so hot.

"Um… ok?" I said as he released my wrist. I started rubbing it with my other hand. It was such an odd sensation; my skin was tingling where we made contact.

I looked up and Jake was staring at me open mouthed. I sat there for a moment trying to figure out what he was silently saying but it was no use. I couldn't read minds, no matter how hard I tried.

"I just feel so humiliated." Edward's voice shook me out of my trance. "I mean, we were together for three years. She was my best friend."

"You and Charlotte were together for three years?" I asked stunned.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Edwards head snapped to look at me. "I'm not with fucking Charlotte. I'm not with anyone, anymore."

He's not with Charlotte? "You're not?" I said a little deflated. If he's not with Charlotte there goes my whole plan!

"No!" He and Jake both said at the same time. My eyes darted between the both of them. What did they know that I didn't?

"Izzy. Sweetie. Let me catch you up on some pop culture. Obviously you don't hear much living in Rhode Island." Jake placed his hand on Edward's shoulder.

Suddenly, it all made sense. "Oh! I get it….. you're gay!" I said nodding my head up and down. Phew, to think for a moment I got uglier! I can't believe how ridiculous I was being.

Edward started choking on his drink and Jake gave him a couple swift pats on the back. After a few minutes, he spoke. "I'm not gay!" He clarified.

"Shame, really." Jake said.

I just sat there staring at Edward, so he's not gay? _I'm ugly again?_ Great. Jake started snapping a brown finger in my face.

"Izzy. Pay attention, please." I looked up at him, trying to give him my best annoyed expression. "Edward here is an actor. A very popular actor, how you don't know this is beyond me. He was in that art movie you're so obsessed with, you know the one with that Bali guy or whatever?"

"It's Dali." I said a little annoyed.

"Whatever, not important. His girlfriend just cheated on him and he's a little down." Jake said sympathetically.

"A little down?" Edward snorted. "I'm fucking destroyed." He took another large gulp of his drink and then his shoulders started shaking.

"So, you're not gay?" I asked, I just had to be sure… this wasn't making a lick of sense.

"No!"He took a large swig from the bottle. "Can you just fucking get out of here and leave me alone?." He said and his voice cracked. Oh my God. What was wrong with him? I stared at him a little longer and I noticed he was crying… what the hell?

"Um…. You're crying." I said incredulously. Frankly, I was always uncomfortable when people cried. Like, get a grip. Or wait until you're in the shower like a normal person.

"He's going through a lot, Bella. Would it kill you to be a little compassionate?" My head whipped around so fast, I thought my neck was going to snap. What was he talking about? I'm super compassionate. Like the most compassionate person I know. Ever.

"This guy is a mess!" I shrieked. "Pull yourself together!"

"Izz! Like you have room to talk! You're life is one train wreck after another! You're the biggest mess I've ever met."

I was so stunned. His words were so hurtful. How could he say these things, especially after everything I've done for him! He would be a social pariah if it wasn't for me. And this is how he's going to repay me, by spewing lies? "You don't know how hard it is for me. Everyone is out to get me." I just sat there, shocked. I didn't know what to do. Should I get up and storm out? Should I slap him? Throw a drink on him?

Jake rolled his eyes. "Like who?"

"LIKE MY BEST FRIEND WHO I CAUGHT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY BOYFRIEND!" I screamed. "OR THE DEAN OF RISD WHO KICKED ME OUT BECAUSE MY ART IS JUST TOO HIGHBROW." My chest was heaving up and down, I was so upset. Seriously, what wasn't there to get?

Jake scoffed at me. "Izz, do you hear yourself when you speak? You're clearly delusional and I think you need to schedule an emergency session with Dr. Amun."

I gasp.

"Wait, your name is Izz? I thought you said your name was Bella?" Edward asked before I could figure out my rebuttal.

Jake snorted and I shot him a nasty glare. I flipped my hair over my shoulder. "Everyone use to call me Izz, but that's in the past. I'm turning over a new leaf."

Jake full out cackled. "Praise Jesus, Allah, Buddah, God and all you others!"

"Whatever. I'm not taking this!" I screamed. I needed to make my dramatic exit before Jake did something he really regretted. I wanted to be able to accept his apology tomorrow and I had a feeling if I stuck around, he would feel really, really bad tomorrow. He seriously owes me. "I'm going to bed."

I pivoted on my heel and stormed out of the room.

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**JPOV**

I woke up the next morning around 8, at my usual time. Would it kill me to sleep in every once in awhile? I threw off the covers and hopped in the shower. After I enhanced beauty, I threw on my Kimono robe and headed downstairs.

I managed to brew a pot of coffee and sat down with a cup while I looked over the evidence from last night. Edward was literally a mess; he almost took the cake from Izz, which I didn't think was possible because that girl needs some serious guidance. I thought she hit rock bottom in Paris but obviously, I was wrong. Damn, I really thought her stint in rehab did her good. She was so into her art and she almost made it through a whole year at Rhode Island School of Design, I think that was the longest time she's stayed in one place. If it wasn't for James fucking Screen! And she actually believes they're in love? Really, could she get any more delusional? Jesus, how is it that she manages to date these loser guys who lead her astray?

And Edward, his situation just plain sucks. But I don't know what he's moping around for, there are plenty of girls and guys that would kill to bang him. Frankly, if he wasn't such a weepy fuck, he would be perfect for Izz, but she would rip him to shreds.

Such a pity.

I sat quietly, watching the video for a while longer and I almost choked on my coffee. I didn't believe my eyes, did Edward just really just get Izz to do something? I had to rewind the tape to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. How the fuck did I miss this last night? I guess I was a little preoccupied; I really should be in LA pulling dresses for the Teen Choice Awards because I do have three, count them three little diva bitches to style. But what am I suppose to do? Leave Izz to spiral out of control again? It's better to nip it in the bud before things get really out of hand. And now there is the whole issue of how to get her home, that's going to be World War III. She's dead set on staying in this house but she can't be left alone, she's too irrational. Look what she did to her poor roommate. Lord only knows what she'll do here; probably drink herself into a coma, or worse.

I sat quietly and watched the rest of the video, it was all junk really. I was hoping to get Izzy talking and show her how skewed her perception of reality is, but all I have is two hours of Edward blubbering like a baby over how heartbroken and embarrassed he is. This is useless. I tossed my phone onto the table and I was startled by someone clearing their throat.

"Izz, the suns still out. What are you doing up?" I turned around and was a little surprised to see Edward. Though, I was pleased to see he was still without a shirt but that beautiful sight was overshadowed by the fact he was still in his crumpled jeans from yesterday.

"Are those the same pants?" I tried to hide the disgust from my voice.

He helped himself to a cup of coffee and sat down next to me, "Yeah." He said without a hint of embarrassment. "I was in such a hurry to leave yesterday, I didn't get the chance to pack anything."

I gasp, sounding more like a Queen than I intended. "Oh no. No, no, no! This will not do. Go shower, we're going out shopping." I pointed to the stairs.

His eyes grew wide, "I can't go anywhere, people will see me."

I let out a sigh, must I fucking do everything? "Fine. What's your size? You are way to fine to be wearing the same pair of pants every day."

Edward flushed and thirty minutes later, I was cruising to Del Monte Center armed with Edward's sizes. Shopping was exactly what I needed to de-stress and think about what to do with Izz. The girl needs a babysitter 24/7 and my schedule is getting so out of hand, I really don't have time for that. I spent so much time trying to build up my styling business, I don't think it's fair for me to ruin all that hard work to look after my big sister.

I was in the middle of H&M (I had to seriously lower my standers, Carmel didn't have anything my speed) when I had an epiphany. I don't have to babysit Izz, Edward can. He's the only person I've ever seen her respond to like that. I mean, he got her to put a shirt on for Christ's sake. If I told her to do that, she'd rip her clothes off and post naked pictures of herself on Twitter. He's the only person I've ever known that was able to tell her to do something and she didn't retaliate by doing the exact opposite.

I wonder what her shrink would say about that? Maybe I should call her and tell her that Izz is back on the West Coast. I'm sure she'd want to meet with her after her little act of arson. _She actually committed arson_. Izz has done a lot of fucked up shit, but never something as serious as arson. And she sincerely thinks it was justifiable by calling it art? Christ, when I saw that video I never would have thought she set that fire but I should have known better. My heart started beating faster and I noticed I was having trouble catching my breath. Shit, calm down Jacob. Calm down. I started doing the rhythmic breathing my therapist showed me and after an array of deep breaths, I was feeling back to normal. Just focus on shopping, I told myself. I started pulling clothes like a mother fucker.

As I was pulling back up to the house, I was feeling on top of the world. That is until I saw Izzy's car kissing a palm tree. Seriously, I guess I'll have to call someone to come fix that. Lord knows she'll just get a new car and leave this one sitting here until the end of time. I pulled up alongside her car and loaded up all her luggage into my Rover.

Twenty minutes later, I managed to get Edwards clothes inside and all Izzy's bags upstairs in her room, where she was still fast asleep. Seriously, I thought for a moment she might be dead until I heard a small snore escape. I looked at the time and noticed it was three o'clock. Fuck, I have to get back to LA. I gave Izz a light kiss on her forehead and quietly snuck out of her room in search of Edward.

I found him sitting outside, looking out over the ocean. "Beautiful view, huh?" I said pulling up a chair next to him.

"Yeah, it's very peaceful here." He said glancing over to me.

"Look, I have to get back to LA for work."

"Uh. Yeah. Hey, thanks man for getting me some clothes." Edward turned to me and stuck out his hand to shake mine, I delicately placed my hand in his. "The pleasure was all mine." I said.

"It was nice meeting you. I wish I could say the same for your sister." He dropped my hand and gave me a sexy lopsided smile.

"Give her a break, she hasn't had the easiest time of things. Her Moms a real bitch." No matter how much she screws up, I'll defend her til the day I die.

Edward didn't say anything, he just nodded, looking out at the ocean.

"You'll change your mind once you get to know her." I paused for dramatic effect.

Edward just laughed. "I don't think that will be happening."

"Think again, London." I said with a smile. I was already feeling the weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"What?" He turned to look at me and I held up a pretty pink finger.

"Izzy needs someone to keep her in line and from what I saw last night, you've done a better job of that than anyone I've ever met."

"Wha-?" he said again confused but once more I cut him off.

"I'm in crunch mode, I've got two award shows coming up and too many little bitches that need dresses. So to say I'm working at full capacity is an understatement. The last thing I need is a distraction and that's exactly what she is, a distraction. I've spent a lot of time trying to get Izzy to learn from her mistakes and I've never been able to put her in her place like you do." I paused and took a deep breath. "Which is exactly why she is going to be staying with you for the next couple of weeks."

"No fucking way." Edward said in a booming voice.

"It's just until The Country Music Awards and then I'll take her off your hands. Five weeks, tops." I batted my eyelashes, hoping this would work and I wouldn't have to play dirty.

"She's a grown fucking woman, she doesn't need a babysitter. Especially me."

I rolled my eyes. I guess he needs an Introduction to Izzy Swan. "Do you know anything about my sister?" I asked.

Edward just shook his head.

I took a deep breath and pinched my nose. Where do I start? Maybe I'll just give him some of the most recent highlights. "When she was 18 she dropped out of high school three weeks before graduation to become a singer. She spent one hour in the studio then quit because she didn't like being in such an enclosed space. She then refused to go back to school and hired an actress to 'play her' to take her GED, so she could focus on becoming a screen writer. Seriously, she even wrote a short film which she tried to show at Sundance. It flopped. Then, she went on a brief party bender with Lindsay Lohan and got two DUI's within the span of a month. Our Dad hired OJ's lawyers and she was only sentenced to community service at a homeless shelter. She was kicked out of the program on her first day because she claimed she was going to get Mad Cow Disease for handling raw meat. Then, she went to jail for a night and was placed on probation for six months. When she was 20 she decided she wanted to get into modeling and moved to Paris. She wasn't even there two months when we found out that she hadn't met with any agencies because she started dating a guy who was a street magician. Apparently, she sold all her things and was living on the street with him, smoking crack. She spent six months in rehab then enrolled at Rhode Island School of Design where up until two days ago, she was thriving. Then, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with her roommate and Izz lit all her stuff on fire, which got her expelled. I think that about sums it up"

Edward just sat there gawking.

"Now, do you get it?" I asked.

"Obviously this girl has issues but I still don't see how this has anything to do with me."

"It's nothing personal, you just happened to be at the right place at the right time." I shrugged a shoulder.

"There's no fucking way! Take her back with you or get her committed, I don't care but she's not my problem. I don't even know the girl! Or like her for that matter!"

I took a deep breath. "Well, before you jump to such an uneducated decision, let me tell you your options."

"I don't need fucking options!" He bellowed. "She's not my fucking problem!"

I ignored his little outburst. "Option one: you can keep your privacy and make sure Izzy doesn't get into any trouble for the next couple of weeks or Option number two:" I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and pulled up the video I took last night. Suddenly, all you heard was Edward sobbing incoherently about Tanya. "I can shop this around to the highest bidder." I gave the phone a little wiggle.

"Where the fuck did you get that?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Last night. It was purely by accident but its funny how things work out, isn't it?"

"This is blackmail, I could have you arrested you know." Suddenly his posture straightened and he seemed like he was ready to fight. Looks like I'm going to have to take a gamble.

"And risk the chance of your little hideaway being exposed? I don't think you'll want to do that. Anyway, it's not like I need the money, I can just post it online and it will live on in infamy."

"What the fuck!" He yelled as he kicked a chair with such force, it flew a couple of feet in the air.

"What's it going to be Eddie? Spend a little time with a beautiful girl or have the world see you when you're down and out?" I tucked my phone back in my pocket. "Oh, I should warn you, at one point during the video you start talking about how you couldn't get it up." That was total bull shit but, please, please, please don't call my bluff.

The look he gave me was of sheer horror.

"I'll give you a minute to think about it." I turned around but stopped. "Oh, and let me know where you would prefer me to send the bill for my styling services." I said and walked back inside, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

* * *

**BPOV**

I rolled over in bed and stretched my body out. Where the hell am I? I had to think back for a couple of minutes. That's right I'm in Carmel, with Jake and that asshole, Edward. Seriously, I wonder who peed in his fruit loops. He's such a miserable person, there's no way I'm staying in this dumpy town with him. He's such a bore. Maybe I can just go stay at James' house in LA. I got out of bed and went to take a step and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor on top of something lumpy. A lot of lumpy things. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness of the room but I realized I was on top of my Louis Vuitton luggage.

After rifling through my bags, I finally found a super big Quest t-shirt that I threw on with a pair of lacy pink underwear. It was just long enough where I didn't need pants and by just long enough, I mean it covered my stomach.

I walked downstairs and was momentarily confused when I saw it was dark outside, shit, the sun hasn't even risen yet. I should really go back to bed.

I was just about to head back upstairs when a voice stopped me. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up."

I turned around and was annoyed to see that asshole, standing there looking way hotter than I remembered. "Ugh, it's you. I'm going back to bed."

"You can't still be tired, you've been sleeping all day." He said.

I cautiously walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. It's nighttime? "Oh." I said as I went in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. "Where's Jake?" I remembered that he owed me an apology.

"He left." Edward said pushing himself up to sit on the countertop.

I all most spit out my water. "He left?" I used the back of my hand to wipe away some water that dribbled down my chin. "He was supposed to take me to the nail salon." I said as I leaned back against the refrigerator.

We were both silent for what felt like hours.

"I was thinking, it wouldn't be so bad to have some company here. I mean, this house is certainly big enough for the both of us." He stared down at the floor as he spoke.

Uh, there's no way I'm staying here with this jerk off. "No thanks. I'm going to go stay with my boyfriend in LA."

He looked panic stricken. "What?"

"Did I stutter?" I turned to go leave the room.

"You can't leave! Uhh... um...You're car's in the shop." Edward blurted out.

I stopped dead in my tracks "What?" Who got rid of my car? "Why?"

"Well, apparently you crashed it into a palm tree…." Edward said, his face ashen.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that. "It wasn't my fault, it came at me out of nowhere."

"Tree's don't move." He said matter of fact.

"Whatever." I said as I walked out of the room. What does he know? He wasn't even there. "I didn't really like that car anyway."

I walked back upstairs into my room and grabbed my cell phone to call James and tell him I was coming over. It rang once and went straight to voicemail. Did he just ignore my call? Not possible, he must have hit the wrong button by accident. I called ten more times and the same thing happened. What the fuck! Maybe he doesn't get cell reception wherever he is? I'll just send him a text.

**10:45: **Hey baby. Miss you. I'm flying out to LA to come see u. Be there later tonight. xoxo

I sat there for a couple of minutes staring at my phone, waiting for a response. I was just about to text him again when my phone beeped.

**11:01:** no need. Why u think I'd still want to see u is unreal.

What? Why wouldn't he want to see me? I tried calling him five more times but each time I did, he ignored my call. What the fuck is going on with him? He must not recognize my number.

**11:03:** Baby, it's Izz. U must have a new phone. Y u didn't put my number in FIRST is beyond me. Not trying to fight but seriously? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. Im having an emergency.

**11:15:** Izz, U are a psychopath. Stop calling me.

What the fuck? I was so angry I wanted to scream. I tried calling him fifteen more times and during the last call, he finally answered. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND STOP CALLING ME." His voice was so loud, I was able to hold the phone out and still hear him perfectly.

He must not know it's me.

"James, it's Izzy. You sound stressed, good thing I'm coming to see you."

"I KNOW WHO IT FUCKING IS, YOU IDIOT."

He must still be mad I broke his camera, it's the only logical explanation. "Look. I said I'm sorry about your little camera. I don't see what the big deal is, you have like ten of them."

I heard laughter on the other end of the line and then a girl picked up the phone. "Izz. Get a clue, he doesn't want you anymore."

Yeah right! "Not possible. Who is this?" I screeched into the phone.

"It's Vic, I'm in, and you're out. Later bitch." The line went dead.

What the hell!? He was with Victoria? THE GIRL THAT RUINED MY LIFE? WHY IS HE ASSOCIATING WITH HER! I was so pissed I walked out to the balcony and chucked my phone as far as I could. How the fuck is he still with her! SHE HAS RED HAIR FOR GOD'S SAKE!

I need a bubble bath and vodka, stat. I ran downstairs to grab a bottle from the bar, where I found Edward sitting with a bottle of whiskey.

"I've decided to take you up on your offer." I said as I tried to grab a bottle of Belvedere on the top shelf. It was out of my reach so I made a grab for Edward's bottle instead, taking a large gulp.

"Are you ever fully dressed?" He asked as he grabbed the bottle back from me, taking a swig.

"Do you always have a stick up your ass?"

He just sat there silently. "So, you're girlfriend dumped you, huh?" I said reaching for the bottle. "I just broke up with my boyfriend right now." I decided not to tell James this and to let him sweat it out and wonder why I'm not calling him anymore. He's not worth my time.

"Is that so?"

I passed the bottle back to him. "Yeah and can you believe he started shacking up with someone already!" I couldn't believe the nerve of some people! "It hasn't even been five minutes."

"So, he was fucking this girl before you broke up with him?" He cocked an eyebrow and gave me a lopsided smile.

"I guess it's all relative to your perception."

Edward laughed. A stomach, rumbling, deep laugh. "You have some skewed perception of reality."

Haven't I heard that before? I shrugged my shoulders. "Sooo, what do you want to do London?"

"Drink." He said as he held up a glass.

"I think you read my mind." I said pouring myself a glass.

A shared bottle of Whiskey later, Edward was babbling about Tanya, _again. _And every time I tried to change the topic to something more interesting, like myself, he would somehow always bring it back to Tanya. It was like talking to my mother.

I laid on my stomach on top of bar, twirling my empty glass between my hands. "Really, if you're that miserable about your breakup than don't break up!" I said for the 1,000th time.

Edward tried to stand up and knocked his stool backwards onto the ground. "How can I do that?" He stumbled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of Tequila.

_Well, this isn't going to be good._

"Look, it's simple." I said grabbing the bottle from him before he slipped into an alcohol coma. "Do you love her?"

He stared at me like I had ten heads. "Yes. Haven't you been listening to a word I said!" He rested his elbows on the bartop and placed the heels of his hand to his eyes. Dear God, please don't start crying again.

"THEN BE WITH HER!" I screamed "JUST PLEASE DON'T START CRYING!" I poured myself a glass of Patron. I deserved it after listening to this hot mess express.

"How can you say that. She kissed another guy!" he wailed.

Oh dear God. "You're crying because she kissed another guy? Seriously? That's the big problem? Did they even have sex?"

"I don't know."

"Are you serious! You didn't ask her?" I asked disbelievingly.

He just shook his head. "I saw the pictures. That was enough."

This guy is a disaster. "Let me see these damn pictures. I'll tell you if they had sex or not. I'm kind of an expert at body language."

Edward looked up and stared at me, not budging an inch.

"Jesus, do I have to do everything?" I hopped off the bar and ran upstairs to get my Ipad.

Once I was back downstairs, I Googled Tanya Denali and started examining the pictures."Well, the first problem is the fact that she drives a Mini Cooper." I turned the Ipad to face Edward, so he could see the ridiculous picture of her trying to get her tall frame out of the tiny car. "Seriously, didn't anyone tell her that Mini Cooper's belong to the gays? What is she doing?"

I think he actually cracked a smile.

I turned back to my Ipad and started looking at the pictures of her and that guy. "Oh gross." I said flipping through the pics. "Yep, they're definitely fucking." I said cautiously eyeing Edward. "Seriously though, this girl has horrible taste in men. How old is this guy? He has a bald spot for God's sake!"

I looked over at Edward and he was as still as a statue. Whatever, I kept scrolling through the pictures and I came across one of the two of them with some kind of dog. Or wolf? "What is this thing?" I asked showing him the picture.

"That's Riley." He said cracking a smile. "My dog. I really miss that little guy."

"Did it die?" I asked pushing my Ipad out of the way. I was kind of intrigued; I was never allowed to have a pet growing up and it was kind of a sore subject for me. Every year for Christmas I would ask Santa for a teacup Yorkie and every year my mother told me that Santa didn't bring me one because I was a bad girl for making her fat. I'm still not really sure how that was my fault but apparently, I ruined her life. I'm still working that out with Dr. Amun.

"No. Tanya still has him." Edward's voice shook me out of my trip down memory lane. "I should have taken him with me when I left, she doesn't even like dogs." His shoulders started shaking.

Oh no. "Don't you do it!" I yelled as I slapped him across the face, hard. My palm felt like it was on pins and needles.

His face was stunned. "What the fuck was that for?" He asked has he started rubbing his cheek.

"Well I thought you were going to start crying again and I just can't deal with that whole issue." I said waving my hands in circles.

"You didn't have to hit me!" He bellowed.

"Sorry." I said shrugging my shoulders.

We were both silent for a moment and then I had a brilliant idea. "Well, what's stopping us?" I said as a mischievous smile spread across my face. "Let's go steal your dog back!"

My mom wasn't going to get in my way now.


	3. Chapter 3

**please review!**

**AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN GIVING ME THEIR FEEDBACK! IT'S MUCH APPRECIATED! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

"Wake up!"

I was vaguely aware of my bed shaking…. Were we having an earthquake? I panicked for a minute, wondering what the proper procedure was but I quickly dismissed the idea, it would definitely involve me getting out of bed and that was just something I wasn't willing to do at the moment. Who cares if the house collapses on me, it will put me out of my misery. I groaned and rolled over onto my side.

Something cold nudged my shoulder.

"Go away." I said into my pillow.

"Wake up! Wake up! It's Christmas!" My bed started rocking again. Jesus, Alice is so fucking annoying. Why didn't I lock my door last night?

Wait, did she just say Christmas? I shot up out of bed, _it's Christmas_! It took a moment for my eyes to adjust but I quickly realized I wasn't in my bedroom at home. Wait a minute. I'm in Carmel and its February.

_What a fucking lair._

"Works every time." Someone said and I looked over just as Bella or Izzy or whatever the hell her name is, sat down, Indian style on the bed facing me. Jesus, I'd rather it was Alice...

Well, that's a first.

"Why are you in my room?" I asked as I groggily rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Please." She held up a hand. "You're in my room."

What? _ I _was in_ her _room?_ No way. _I looked around and I saw piles and piles of clothes strewn all over the floor. Fuck, this is her room.

"How did I get in here?" I asked self consciously. God, I hope we didn't have sex. I peeked under the covers and saw I was still in my jeans. Well, that's a good sign.

"Get real." She said, answering my unspoken question. "All you did was cry and cry some more. Frankly, I'm fucking sick of it. And I tried to leave last night, but what'd you do? You followed me in here like some kind of rain cloud and cried some more! I had to take two Ambien just to be able to fall asleep last night! And that didn't even keep me asleep! I couldn't even get a full twelve hours because of your incessant sobbing! Do you have any idea how much less attractive a person looks when they don't get a full nights rest?" She was practically screaming. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard, every time her voice peaked, I felt a throbbing in my temples.

Did she say I was crying? _Again_? I need to get a grip. I hope she didn't take a video of me… if she's anything like her brother, I'm sure she did. Well, maybe she didn't… she doesn't seem to be nearly as smart as Jacob. That fucking psychopathic extortionist.

She started snapping fingers in my face, momentarily bringing me back to the present. "FOUR. PERCENT. EDWARD! FOUR PERCENT LESS ATTRACTIVE! Do you have any idea how much this is going to impact my self esteem? I'll give you a hint, it's inversely related to the amount of stress you've caused me! And those levels are THROUGH. THE. ROOF." She shrieked, her head was shaking vigorously, it kind of reminded me of those little Chihuahua's I always see women carrying around. "I'm going to have to schedule an emergency session with my Reiki Healer, Lee Tee, just to get my life energy back to normal." She started stomping around the room for a bit and screamed. Literally, screamed.

It felt like my head was going to explode. What the fuck is she so pissed about? I just kind of zoned out during her little meltdown but I think it had to do with the fact she's tired…. Wait… Didn't she say something about tea? "You want me to make you a cup of tea?" Frankly, I feel so beat up, I wish she would make me a cup of tea… and draw me a nice hot bath.

From the look she gave me, I thought her head was going to start spinning around like that girl in the Exorcist. Maybe it wasn't tea… "Coffee maybe?" I asked.

She took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't with you right now." She said as she pivoted on her heel and walked towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

What the hell was that? I mean, this girl has to be certifiably crazy, I thought as I burrowed back into the covers, pulling a pillow over my head. There is no way I'm going to last five weeks with this maniac. There has to be another way of dealing with this psycho… Maybe I can call Jasper, he's been dating my sister for awhile; he has to be able to shed some light on how crazy operates…. Or at least he could give me some tips on how to avoid it all together…

…...

"Wake up." I felt something nudge my shoulder. "Wake up." More nudging.

I groaned and rolled on my back. _Jesus, she's back_. "What do you want?" I mumbled and opened one eye. I saw Bella standing over my bed, holding out a cup of something, presumably coffee from the smell.

"I brought you a peace offering." She said lifting the mug in acknowledgement. I sat up and happily took the cup from her. "Thanks." I said looking down at the black cup of liquid like it was a pot of gold. This is just what I needed.

She scrunched up her nose. "It has sugar in it." She sat down on the edge of the bed and I nodded my head in acknowledgement. I prefer my coffee black but beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

"Well, I did some meditating and thankfully I was able to think about our situation, with an open mind. And," she circled her hands around in the air, "that was so out of character for me and I realized something while I was taking a steam. Irritability is a symptom of sleep deprivation and stress." She said tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. I noticed that her hair was still damp and smelled faintly of strawberries.

"And you're telling me this why?" I said as I took a sip.

A huge smile broke out across her face but it was gone in the blink of an eye. "Isn't it obvious?"

I leaned back against the headboard, taking another sip of coffee. "Isn't what obvious?" I asked, I have no idea what this girl is talking about.

She let out a huge sigh and shook her head. "That, that little outburst wasn't my fault." She said dubiously.

Was she trying to tell me this was my fault? I mean, I guess it kind of was my fault if I kept her up by crying all night…but..._Fuck! I can't believe I cried again_! And there was no way I was going to admit that to her. There are like ten other bedrooms in this house that she could have slept in. I had a feeling I could probably very well win an argument with her but I just didn't have the mental stamina to deal with that right now. I was hung over and tired and truthfully, all I want to do is take a hot shower and go back to bed. I just needed to get out of here fast and I've been around enough women to know that if I engage her in any way, this conversation will last a lot longer than I want it to. And frankly, I'm done with it all ready. I just nodded my head and took another sip of coffee.

Unfortunately for me, she kept on going.

"But, it's not fair for me to place the blame on you. You need help and you shouldn't be punished for the things you can't control. You have a chemical imbalance." She sat there nodding her head.

_Chemical imbalance?_ I almost spit out my coffee. This crazy bitch thinks _I'm _chemically imbalanced? Has she not met herself? And who the fuck was she to diagnose me? This girl didn't even make it through high school and she thinks she can play Doctor? Fucking WebMD.

"You think I'm chemically imbalanced? Is this a joke?" I asked skeptically. So much for not saying anything, Edward, but in my defense I couldn't help myself. I'm not chemically imbalanced. I'm just going through a fucking breakup.

"Don't worry!" She said placing her delicate hand on my knee, the gesture made me extremely uncomfortable but I tried not to tense too much. "Now that we know what's wrong, we can fix it."

Seriously, why is she touching me? And I certainly didn't need to be fixed. There is nothing wrong with me. I just need to appease her so she gets the fuck out of my room. "Ok. Great." I said shifting my legs so her hand wasn't resting on me anymore. "Thanks for being so understanding… about the crying….and being imbalanced…. and…um..Thanks… for the coffee." I lifted my cup in acknowledgment. "I'm just gonna get out of your way now." I awkwardly made my way out of the bed and I was about to make my exit from her room but it was really difficult to walk around here, there was stuff everywhere. I was looking for a clear path when I saw Bella walk up to me and wrap her arms around my waist.

I just stood there with my arms out to the sides, afraid to move.

"This went so much better than I thought!" She said pulling back. Another huge smile was spread across her face but it quickly transformed into a look of sheer horror. What the hell? God, she is so bizarre. Talk about being imbalanced.

"Seriously, you should shower, you smell like a hobo." She said fleetingly as she walked back into the bathroom. "And make it quick! Our car comes in an hour."

The second she let me go, I was high tailing it out of her room. Seriously, she freaks me out a little bit. Ok, a lot. I made my way back into my bedroom and crawled under the covers. It wasn't until I finished my coffee that it clicked, I must have been so out of it that I needed the caffeine to get my mind working. _Our car?_ I threw the covers off and burst back into the bathroom where she was blow drying her hair. "What do you mean 'our car is coming in an hour'?" I said as I made air quotes.

She turned off her blow dryer and started brusher her hair vigorously. "You don't remember?" She said as a smile slowly spread across her face.

I didn't like the look of this one bit, so I just shook my head.

"We're going to LA." She picked up some kind of oblong contraption and started wrapping her hair around it. Almost instantly, smoke was rising from her head.

I was so taken aback, I forgot the bigger picture. "Is that supposed to happen?" I asked as I leaned against the doorway, crossing my arms over my bare chest.

She just shrugged a shoulder and repeated the process on another piece of hair.

"Why are we going to LA?" I asked.

"To get Riley." She said matter of fact and wrapped another piece of hair around the smoker.

I almost choked on the smell. "Riley?" I managed to spit out in between coughing. _She wants to go get my dog?_ I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, this can't end well and I'm sure that would violate the agreement I made with Jake in some way. "We can't go to LA!" I blurted out. What if I see Tanya? What if I don't see Tanya? Honestly, I don't know which option would be worse. Wait, what if someone sees' me? I started pacing back and forth in the large bathroom.

I saw her roll her eyes in the mirror. "Well, you seemed pretty on board with this last night. Anyway, I can't cancel the flight now, it's too late."

"We're flying!" I said dubiously. "I can't get on a plane! People will see me!" I frantically started running my hands through my hair.

"Relax. It's private. Seriously, go shower. There is no way I'm sitting in an enclosed space with you smelling like that. You've all ready done enough to me today."

We're flying private? Well, I guess I could do that… Then, I'll just call my assistant and have her meet us with Riley at wherever we're flying into and we can go right back to Carmel. That won't be so bad. Maybe I can have her drop off a few other things too…

Bella turned to me. "What are you still doing in here? Go!" She made a shooing motion with her hands. Geeze, she doesn't have to be so pushy. I slowly backed out of her bathroom in search of my own room.

Thirty minutes later, I was showered, dressed and ready to go. I was waiting downstairs for Bella and went to pour myself another cup of coffee when I saw a powdery substance on the counter right next to two prescription pill bottles. _What the fuck?_ I picked up the first bottle and it was Bella's prescription for Valium and the other was her prescription for Zoloft. Did she crush them up or something? I trailed a finger through the residue on the counter. Jesus, does she snort her meds? How fucking LA of her.

Well this certainly explains why she was in a better mood the second time she woke me up…. I guess they really do make a difference for her… I poured myself another cup of coffee and started thinking about my situation again. If I stay here with her, not only do I have to deal with her irritating behavior but I'd have to make sure she takes her meds so she doesn't have a psychotic breakdown. Jake never mentioned that. He just said to keep her in line, nothing about overseeing every aspect of her life. Seriously, how does this girl even function? Well, from what I heard, I guess she really doesn't.

Just then, Bella came bouncing into the room wearing a pair of jeans that looked like they were painted on her body and a black sweater that was about three sizes too big for her with dozens of little holes in it, showcasing her turquoise bra underneath. She looked like she could be homeless but at the same time, I was kinda into it.

_Snap out of it, Edward! She is psychotic!_

She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and hoisted herself up on the counter. "How are you feeling?" She asked as she took a sip. "Relaxed and happy?" She said wiggling her eyebrows.

Relaxed and happy? What does that mean? I shrugged a shoulder and took another sip of coffee.

"Hmph… Too soon I guess." She said under her breath as she took another sip of water.

Too soon for what? I was rolling over her words in my head… too soon...relaxed and happy… Chemically imbalanced….Zoloft and Valium… crushed up on the counter….NO…She wouldn't... Well, she obviously has no moral compass, so yeah, I guess she would. "You didn't." It was barely audible but I couldn't even believe I was saying the words.

She shrugged a shoulder as a sly smile spread across her face.

"You. Drugged. Me?" I said through clenched teeth.

She rolled her eyes and I slammed my fist on the counter. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" I erupted.

"Don't be so dramatic, Edward. I said I was going to help you. How else did you think we were going to balance you serotonin levels?" She scoffed.

"I DON'T NEED TO BALANCE ANYTHING!" I yelled. "YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME!" I said disbelievingly. No one has ever drugged me before. What do I do? Call poison control? Try and make myself throw up?

"It's not like I'm going to date rape you, it's only Zoloft and Valium. With the way you've been behaving I'm doing you a favor. You should be thanking me." She crossed her arms over her chest.

I started frantically running my hands through my hair. "THANKING YOU?" I laughed. "Are you really that fucking delusional that you think I would thank you for this? CHRIST!" I paused. "HOW DID YOU DO IT?"

"Your coffee." She slid off the counter and brushed past me. "I'll talk to you in ten minutes when this won't be such a big deal." She walked right out of the room, not saying another word.

_What the fuck!_ I threw my coffee cup against the wall and it collided with a loud crack. Black liquid and glass were scattered across the floor. This fucking girl just DRUGGED. ME!

For the next twenty minutes, it seemed like time was at a standstill. I stewed silently on the large sectional while Bella was off being crazy somewhere. But the longer I sat there, the more calm I found myself. Though, when there was a knock on the door, I jumped out of my seat like the couch was on fire. As I was walking through the house, I saw a baseball cap sitting on the kitchen island and I grabbed it, out of sheer habit, throwing it on. I was about to walk out of the door and I patted down my pockets to make sure I had everything, a habit I was so accustomed to doing every time I left the house. I knew this was absolutely useless because I was in such a rush to get out of LA the other day I left without my wallet and keys. Which, come to think of it might make it a little hard to get into my house later. I checked my back pocket and found my phone, which was dead… so I guess that wasn't going to help either. _Oh well. _I walked out of the house, feeling lighter than air. I slid into the back seat of the Lincoln Town car, right next to Bella.

"How ya doing there?" She asked as she slid on a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Great." I said as I rested my head against the back of the seat, it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds..

The scary thing was, I meant it.

Two hours later, we landed at Van Nuys and I was having a serious internal conflict. I knew I should be seriously pissed at Bella but I wasn't. I was eerily calm, which made me realize I should be even madder. But I just couldn't sum up the energy to do it. Frankly, I couldn't sum up the energy to move.

With Bella's assistance, I managed to get off the plane and literally walked right up to an awaiting Audi SUV. I guess I don't have to worry about being spotted by Paparazzi, I really have to fly private more often, I thought to myself.

"Hey Tito, looking good." Bella said to the very tall and very large Hispanic man holding the door open, as she pushed me into the car and crawled over me to the other side. I kind of just flopped in the position she left me in.

"Miss Swan, lookin' purdy as eva." He nodded to me as I awkwardly tried to sit up. What the fuck was going on? Why was I having trouble moving? And why don't I care?

As soon as we started driving, Bella broke the silence. "Tits, I need to stop at the house, is Renee around?" She was staring out the window.

"Ms Randall home but she been feelin' a lil unda da weahda."

Bella snorted. "AKA she's still drugged out from her chemical peel?" She started biting at her fingernails. She seemed nervous. I've never seen her nervous before, well unless you count the time I brought up Charlotte. "I just don't feel like running into her." She added under her breath.

Tito cleared his throat and locked eyes with me in the rear view mirror.

"Oh, don't worry. He's cool." Bella said snapping us both out of our staring contest.

I heard a chuckle escape from the front seat. "She beena zombie for da last forty eight hour. Praise Jesus fo' dos Ambien. I don fink I could stomach lookin' ad her much longa. I almost got inna ah accident on da way home from da Plastic Surgeons office. Girl, I tell you she looka like someding outta a scary movie. All red an bubbly an shit. Is jus nasty!"

Bella giggled.

"So, whadaya doin' 'ere Miss Thang?." I saw him look at her through the mirror. "Dis your new boyfrien?" his head nodded in my direction.

I wanted to scream out fuck no! but I couldn't form the words. Frankly, come to think of it, I don't think I've spoken since we left Carmel... what the fuck did she do to me! I looked over at Bella and her face flushed. Like, she turned beet red…. That's weird… Embarrassement is an emotion that I didn't think she felt…Wait a minute, does Bella have a crush on me? I mean, I could totally see why she would… I am kind of a big deal… And she is sorta hot… in a fucking crazy, I'll go all single white female on you kinda way.

"Tits! I'm offended you think I would date this square." She said as she stared out the window. "Can you put the radio on, please?"

Tito shook his head and cranked up the music.

Wait a minute, she thinks I'm a square? I'm not boring, I'm a lot of fun…. Well, usually.

Thirty minutes later, we were pulling up to an Iron Clad gate that looked like it was guarding a castle. Or a jungle, I couldn't really tell because of the oversized shrubbery.

The doors swung open and we were pulling up a long driveway towards the largest house I've ever seen in my life. Scratch that, this wasn't a house, a hotel would be a more accurate description. A haunted, Mediterranean hotel. This place was seriously creepy. There were two huge gargoyle statues framing either side of the oversized front door and the rest of the house was accented by dozens of oversized windows as well as at least four different balconies that were embellished with deep red rose bushes. The car circled around a fountain so big you that could swim laps in it and pulled to a stop. Tito quickly hopped out of the car and held our door open. As soon as I got out of the car, I stood there staring at the magnitude of it all. "This is your house?" I asked astonished, still looking around. I felt like at any moment Lurch was going to open the door and say "you rang?"

"Yeah" Bella said as she brushed by me walking in to the house. I stood there motionless. "Wait here." She said as she disappeared into the darkness. I was kind of afraid she wouldn't come back out… if this is the outside, who knows what kind of weird shit is on the inside…

Come to think about it, this kind of explains a little of why she is so fucked up. Judging by the outside, I doubt anyone who grew up here had a normal childhood. It was probably one nightmare after another.

A few moments later, I was startled by the beeping of a horn. I turned around and my jaw dropped. I was staring at a Charcoal Grey Aston Martin. _Holy fuck._

"Get in the fucking car already!" I heard Bella's voice and I almost creamed my pants at the idea of getting to ride around in this thing. Emmett and Rosalie would just die if they knew I was in an Aston Martin Vanquish.

I quickly hopped into the car and melted into the leather seats, they felt like butter. I started running my hands over the dash as Bella sped out of the driveway, honking the horn a couple of times as she left.

"Whose car is this?" I asked in a daze.

"My Dads." She said as she carefully pulled the car out of her driveway and onto the street. Once she made it onto the pavement, she gunned it and I was pressed into the back of my seat. Damn, this car can move. I wonder if she'll let me drive it?

"Isn't your Dad going to be mad you're taking his car?" I asked as I buckled up my seat belt, she was driving at speed that wasn't exactly suitable for a residential area. I was silently praying I could pop another Valium. Seriously, I don't know what I was so mad at her about; they really take the edge off.

She shrugged a shoulder. "He's in your neck of the woods." She said as she fiddled with the radio, cranking up the sound to some classic rock station.

I guess this wasn't up for discussion.

* * *

**JPOV**

I was just unlocking the door to my office on Beverly Drive, bringing back a rack of sexy dresses, when I saw a grey Aston Martin stop in the middle of the street, oblivious to all the other cars around it. Horns were blaring and I stood there watching the scene unfold, when a familiar blue head get out of the car, leaving it in the middle of the street.

_What the fuck is she doing here?_

"Jakey! I need you to park the car for me. You know how I feel about alleys." She said as she walked up to me, placing a kiss on both of my cheeks. "And, I forgive you for ditching me with that bore." She said as she brushed past me, into my little office.

What the fuck was she doing here! I pushed the rack of clothes inside and looked back at the road, which resembled a parking lot due to the major traffic jam my sister caused. _Seriously?_ And what the fuck was she doing with Dad's Aston? He wouldn't even let me take it out for my date with Lance Bass the other week and this bitch gets to take it for a spin? This is some serious bullshit.

I started walking towards the Aston when I saw a gorgeous man awkwardly climbing out of the car. Ok, driving around with this piece of man candy totally makes up for that disastrous evening. Seriously, a hot car and a hot guy? Praise Jesus!

I snapped two times and pointed to the Aston. "Get in." I said as I opened the door and waited for Edward to climb back in before I drove off. Once we were both safely inside the vehicle, I gunned it. "What the fuck you are doing here?" I asked as my hands gripped the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turned white.

"It was all her idea!" He slurred.

What the fuck? Was he drunk? Great, who knows what kind of shit they've been getting into.I left my sister with an alcoholic baby sitter. I'm the worst fucking brother in the entire world. I stopped at a red light and I took a deep breath. Stress causes wrinkles and wrinkles make you ugly. I chanted three times in my head in an effort to relax. "Did you forget the terms of our agreement? Shall I remind you that the deal was to keep her in Carmel and out of trouble? There's too much temptation for Izzy in LA! It's like bringing Krispy Kremes to a Weight Watchers meeting! Are you crazy!" I shrieked.

"We're just getting my dog and then we'll be back in Carmel. We're not even going to get doughnuts." He said.

I pulled the car to a stop and stared at Edward opened mouthed. "Izzy wanted to tag along to get your dog?" I said in disbelief. Well, maybe it's not so farfetched; she always had a weak spot for dogs.

"Yeah, it was her idea."

"Get out!" I freaked. There is no way this was that bitch's idea. She's up to something…. I bet she's going to sneak off and see that little fuck James Screen. I'll kill her. Or maybe just lock her in the truck of this fucking car.

"Umm… ok?" I saw Edward reach for the door handle.

"Not literally." I said pausing for a minute to mull this over. "She wanted to come to LA to get your dog? Did she say anything else?" I said tapping my thumb on the steering wheel. The light turned green and I lightly tapped the gas, it did no good because the car still jerked forward.

"We're just getting Riley and going straight back to Carmel." He sounded unsure.

I looked over at him. "Who's Riley?" I asked as I pulled down the back alley.

"My dog."

"Oh." I said as I pulled into one my reserved parking spaces, right next to my Rover. Well thank God she's leaving right away. I'm way too busy to be dealing with all her shit right now. We both silently got out of the car and walked up the three steps to the back door that Bella was so graciously holding open for us. "Thanks hooker." I said as I sauntered in past her.

I sat down behind my desk and opened my laptop, checking my email. Jesus, how is it I'm gone for three hours and I have a hundred emails? These fucking assistants and PR people just need to calm the fuck down. Do you really need to email me about Spanx? Like get a fucking life, these little string bean, pre teens don't need Spanx. they don't even have boobs yet! I glanced up from the screen and almost had a heart attack.

"Keep your greasy paws off!" I shrieked and darted over towards the rack of dresses Izzy was looking through. The last thing I needed was for Izz to like a dress and want to keep it for herself. I needed options for Christ's sake. Anyway, shouldn't they be getting a move on? It's already five o'clock, they need to get going. "So I hear you're finally going to be getting some QT with the one thing you've always wanted." The best thing to do was change the subject.

She shrugged a shoulder, trying to play it off but I knew her better than that. She's been dying for a dog ever since she was five. It was the first thing she said to me when I first met her, well after 'why are you brown'. Frankly, I can't believe I remember that but I'm pretty sure it's because it's the only thing she's wanted that she hasn't gotten. In all honesty Renee was just being petty. She was never fat, she was a size four for Christ's sake. Well, I guess I would be pretty pissy if Anna Wintor publically castrated me for not shedding the baby weight. But like that was Izzy's fault? The bitch should have put down the damn brownies.

"Whatever. So I need to run out do a few things. Jake will you come with me?" Bella flopped down in my chair and started spinning in circles. Typical.

"Izz. I'd love to but I have to be at Tom Ford in an hour."

She planted her feet firmly on the ground, stopping her from making another rotation. Truthfully, I was happy because I didn't need her puking all over my office. And let's face it, that would so happen to me. "Oooh! Tom Ford! I'm so coming!" She said bouncing up and down in the chair.

"Um, don't you have some place to be? Like getting a dog and going back to Carmel?" I said separating the dresses onto the corresponding rack I have for each little lady.

"Please, Edward can do that and I'll go to Tom Ford!" she said as she started spinning again.

I looked over at Edward and he was zoning out, his body crumpled on the couch, it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. "Um, what's the deal with that?" I said pointing to Edward.

Izzy stopped spinning and looked over at Edward. Seriously, I think there was some drool dripping out the side of his mouth.

"Edward!" She snapped. "Get with it!" she screeched. "He's been like this for the past couple of hours. I think I should have only gave him one."

He blinked twice and smiled. "This place is so relaxing." He said nodding his head up and down.

What the fuck is going on with him? This place is the total opposite of relaxing, it's bright as fuck and popping with color and crazy prints. Oh fuck no, did she just say what I think she said? "What did you do to him?" I asked Izz, scared to hear the explanation.

She shrugged a shoulder. "I just gave him some Valium. He needs to chill out a bit. He's always crying and I just couldn't take it anymore." She started twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

True. I can't say I blame her. He was on another level the night I saw him. "How much did you give him?"

"Three." She said flipping her hair over her shoulder.

I laughed. Well, that sure explains why he's slumped over on the couch right now. The poor guy is probably high as a kite. "Right. Well, should we get going? I want to get a Starbucks."

She popped out of her seat and tossed the keys to the Aston at Edward, they landed beside him and he picked them up, holding them out on his pointer finger. The look of joy that crossed his face made me laugh out loud. Is he crazy?

"Please, we're taking the Aston." I said taking the keys from him and replacing them with the key to my car. "You can take my Rover, if you can manage to get up. And don't bring your little pet in here, I don't need the place reeking of wet dog." I said as I linked my arm with Izzy's and we both walked out of the room. "Don't forget to lock the door when you leave!" I called over my shoulder.

A while later, Izzy and I were pulling back up to my office and I was pleasantly surprised at how perfect our little outing went. Izz totally found a chic, white dress with red polka dots and an oversized red bow that tied around the waist that is just right for Elle Fanning. Seriously, I don't even need to pull any more dresses for her, this Tom Ford was it. If Izz wasn't such a train wreck and living in Carmel, I'd say she'd make a fabulous assistant. Lord knows I'm in the market for one.

I unlocked the door and was puzzled to see Edward still sitting in the same position we left him in, completely passed out. "Um, what the fuck?" I said a little too loud. He was supposed to get the dog so they could get out of my perfectly fucking sculpted hair.

I heard Izz giggle behind me and she walked over to where Edward was sleeping and sat down beside him as she pinched his nose. Almost instantaneously he let out a snort and shot up out of his seat. "Mom! I said I wanted Applejacks!" He bellowed.

Izz and I both looked at each other before we bursted into a fit of giggles. Applejacks! It was a good two minutes before my laughing died down and I was wiping the tears that ran down my face. I hope I didn't smudge my mascara, I thought as I examined my reflection in the full length mirror. Nope, perfect as usual.

I spun around to face Edward and Izz, she was in a ball on the floor, still laughing her ass off. "Didn't you have some shit to do? I didn't see a dog outside." I said crossing my arms over my chest as I tapped my red Gucci high-tops against the floor.

"Well… uh." He stammered as he ran a hand through his hair. "I couldn't get off the couch."

Izzy started her laughing fit all over again. Somehow, I didn't find this to be as funny as the applejacks.

"So you're not getting your dog?" I said confused as I plopped down into a white leather chair.

"I still want to get my dog…. I just can't do it." Edward said as he glanced over at Izz who managed to sit upright on the floor.

"You want me to get your dog?" She asked skeptically.

"I'm like this because of you." He grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I can't afford to get photographed in LA, so I can't do it." She said staring right in my direction.

"Oh hell no! You bitches will not! You know how many people probably saw you today? You had no problem strutting your broke ass down Rodeo Drive a minute ago!" I said looking straight at Izz.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not my dog!" She whined looking back at Edward.

"Wait!" He said a little defeated. "I can just call my assistant. Do you have an IPhone charger here?" He turned to me. I walked over to my desk and opened the drawer, tossing him my phone charger.

"Or we could do like Ocean's Eleven and plan the ultimate heist." (zzy said bouncing up and down beside Edward. "Except in our case, 150 million is a mutt."

"Ocean's Eleven?" I asked curiously. This could either be very fun or very horrible but for some unforeseen reason I was feeling optimistic after my good day with Izz. Anyway, I've been working hard the past couple days, I'm in need of a little fun. "I do love me some Clooney." I said wiggling my eyebrows.

Edward's eyes darted in between the two of us. "What are you two talking about?"

"Just wait here, we'll be back in a couple of hours." Izzy said standing up and placing a kiss on Edwards's cheek. What the fuck was that about? Did they hook up or something?

* * *

**BPOV**

I couldn't have looked more perfect if I spent months planning this. Seriously, Jake was a fucking genius. I was the epitome sexy spy, my look was the perfect mix of bad girl Sandy in Grease and a Russian hooker. I had on Sandy's tight leather pants, her spandex off the shoulder top with a fucking to die for Hermes belt and five inch spiked Louboutins. I also had the most fantastic platinum blonde wig. Seriously, who knew I would look good with a bob and bangs? I certainly didn't.

Jake and I were sitting in the 'Free Candy' van, as I like to call it, down the street from Edward's house as Jake was getting his final touches ready. He looked like the perfect sleazy paparazzi, stained Quest shirt, Khaki shorts, Converse, five o'clock shadow, Ray-Bans, a Dodgers hat and my camera. The most difficult part of planning this whole heist was convincing Jake to wear this getup. He refused to be seen by anyone wearing such a hideous outfit and I can't say I blamed him. Especially after how fucking great I look. I know he would have killed to be in my position but truthfully, he just didn't have the body for it. Anyway, it only cost me my favorite Chanel tote but I told myself having a dog would be worth it. I've only been waiting for this moment since I was a baby.

I grabbed the walkie-talkie to inform Edward we were ready to roll.

"Casper, JLo is ready to move. I'm on my way to the hovercraft." I let go of the little button waiting to hear back from Edward.

"Bella, can you stop calling me fucking Casper? I thought I was going to be Rocket Man?" Edwards's voice filled the old, rusty van.

"You gotta earn that title, baby!" Jake said with a snap of his neck.

I just laughed. "Casper, for the tenth time I'm Penny Lane!" I shrieked into the walkie-talkie. I turned to Jake. "Ok, JLo, you remember the code names?"

I handed Jake the walkie-talkie and grabbed the pair of binoculars.

"Tanya is Elvis, the paparazzi are Oompah-loompah's and Riley is the Golden Nugget." He said nodding his head enthusiastically.

"And?" I looked at him expectantly.

"Oh. Their house is the building, the Aston is the hovercraft and this dumpy van is Rapist Central."

I slapped his arm. "Jake! That is not the right name!" I said annoyed.

"Fine. The mystery bus." He rolled his eyes. "Seriously, what the fuck is up with you? The last time I've seen you this serious is when you tried to put Nair in Paris Hilton's shampoo after she got the same Birkin as you."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. That was so rude of her to do that to me. Seriously, I only got to use my neon yellow Birkin twice. I stood up to exit the dingy van. "Whatever, let us know when Elvis has left the building." I carefully made my way out of the van and once I was outside I examined my wig in the side view mirror. Hmm, maybe I should go blonde again?

"Let's get a move on Penny Lane." Jake said slapping my ass right before he slammed the door. Totally inappropriate behavior for brother and sister. I'll have to have a talk with him. I walked to the hovercraft where Casper was waiting in the driver's seat.

"This is going to be so good." I said as I folded my body into the car. As soon as the door shut, we sped off and started driving around the Hollywood Hills.

"Remember, we have to stay in a five mile radius to your house or our walkie-talkie's won't work and we won't be able to hear from JLo."

"I know." He sounded a little annoyed. I noticed he was tapping his hand on the steering wheel, it was driving me insane.

"Is something the matter?" I asked.

He let out a sigh. "I just, I don't know if I should just go in there and talk with Tanya."

"You mean Elvis." I interrupted.

He looked over at me and rolled his eyes. "Elvis. Whatever." He let out another sigh. "It's just, we never really had a conversation about what happened."

"Or breakup sex." I added examining my newly Shellaced nails, I was definitely happy I decided to go with white. It really balanced my whole outfit.

Edward cleared his throat. "That too."

I sat there nodding my head. "So, then maybe you should just go talk to her?" I was really kind of hoping this wasn't the case because I was really looking forward to breaking and entering. And frankly, I would be super pissed if I was up all night planning this whole scheme for nothing.

"That's the thing. I don't know what to say to her exactly. It's just like there's this voice telling me to move on but I ignore it because all I want to do is get back with her and fix things between us." Edward made a sharp U-Turn and the sudden change in direction caused my head to brush up against the side of the car.

"Jesus! Watch it!" I screamed and hastily pulled down the vanity mirror to make sure everything was still in place. Of course my wig was crooked. "Dr Amun said there's no such thing as voices." I said to him as I straightened myself out. "It's just a way for your subconscious to manifest into your consciousness."

"No shit?" He said as he cocked an eyebrow at me.

I dug through my Celine in search of my Hollywood Red Bobbi Brown lipstick. I carefully applied the lip stick and make a kissy face in the mirror. Fuck me, I am so good looking. "No shit." I said as I tossed the tube back into my bag.

"Penny Lane, Casper?" The walkie-talkie chimed and Jake's voice filled the car.

"JLo, what's the status?" I said into the little black device.

"Elvis has left the building." He said.

I looked at Edward and a huge smile broke out onto my face. "It's show time!" I squealed.

Edward gunned it and we took off in the direction of his house. A few minutes later, he pulled down the street perpendicular to his house and parked the hovercraft on the side of the road.

"This fence is my backyard." He said as he climbed out of the car. He walked over to my side and helped me out. It was seriously hard to move in these tight pants but I'm going to have to make it work.

We walked along the edge of his property until we met a section where the shrubbery met the fence. Casper was able to pull it to the side enough that we were able to squeeze through. Though, it was seriously difficult and I managed to get by with only a couple scrapes on my arms. This is really going take away from my whole look. But whatever! We made it inside! Sort of! At least I was in the general vicinity of the building. Which, was kind of weird because this place was a lot smaller than I expected… Like super small. I'm guestimating here, but it had to be less than 2,500 square feet. No wonder they broke up, they must have been on top of each other! Haven't they ever heard of personal space?

We were walking towards the tiny building when I caught a whiff of chlorine coming off of the pool.

"This isn't salt water?" I stopped dead in my tracks, pointing to the pool.

"What?" He turned around to face me.

The sound of barking suddenly grabbed my attention and I looked over to where the source of the noise was coming from and my heart stopped. The largest, biggest, dog-wolf creature was running straight towards us. Scratch that, it was running straight towards me. Holy fuck! What if this is some kind of attack dog? Why didn't Edward tell me his dog was going to kill me!

I screamed just as the dog crashed into me, knocking me backwards onto the grass and landing on top of me.

I had my eyes closed and my hands blocking my face, it only took me a minute to realize I was still alive and that something was licking me all over. Ew, seriously! "Get this beast off of me!" I screamed.

"The what?" Edward said. "I'm sorry, I don't know what the beast is."

"HELP ME!" I screamed. This dog was going to lick off all my makeup! I tried my best to push its nose away from me but every time I did that he just nuzzled into my neck. "SECURE THE GODLEN NUGGET" I screamed.

I heard Edward laugh and a second later, I was able to breath again. I managed to sit up and I saw that Edward was eye level with the dog, rubbing him all over and he was just as enthusiastically licking Edward's face.

Gross. I tried to adjust my wig the best I could and was attempting to wipe the slobber off my face when I heard the walkie-talkie chime.

"ELVIS HAS RETURNED TO THE BUILDING. GET THE FUCK OUT BITCHES!" I heard panic in Jakes voice and I looked over at Edward, shell shocked.

"Fuck! I can't see her!" He stood up and turned around in circles for a minute. I was too stunned to do anything so I just stood there, like a lost child.

The Golden Nugget started barking and then it was all just a flurry of confusion, one second Edward was there and the next minute, he was gone.

And I was left alone. Standing in the back yard, face to face with a girl in ratty sweatpants who really needed to get her roots touched up. Seriously, there was like an inch of black and the rest was what I'm assuming was suppose to be blonde but it looked more like yellow. I should really give her the name of my colorist. I'll even schedule her an appointment, lord knows she needs it.

"Who the fuck are you?" She yelled.

Well, fuck me. This definitely wasn't part of the plan.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who's been giving me feedback! Keep it up, please :)**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

**EPOV**

_What! Tanya's here?_ The first thing that came to my mind was RUN. I needed to get out of here and fast! I looked around and I quickly realized I would never make it through the backyard in time, so I darted behind the poolside Cabana and sat on the ground, with my heart beating out of my chest. I can't believe Tanya's here! There is no way I can see her, no matter how badly I want to talk to her, I just don't think I can do it face to face. I was never good at expressing myself anyway. I peeked out from behind the Cabana and saw Bella standing there spinning in circles like she had no idea what to do or where to go. Fuck! I forgot all about her! The last thing I need is for Tanya to see Bella, how am I suppose to explain that one? Bella will probably say she came here with me and then Tanya will find me hiding back here like a little bitch. Damn it! I knew this would be a horrible idea! Why did I ever listen to Bella? Christ, she has the maturity level of a thirteen year old, what made me think that we would actually be able to successfully accomplish her little plan?

I must still be high on Valium, I reasoned. No, scratch that. If I was on Valium I wouldn't give a fuck about seeing Tanya… Oh God, what I would do for some of that right now. Does this mean I'm becoming an addict?

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" I heard someone scream and I peaked around the Cabana again. I saw Tanya standing with her back to me and Bella facing her with a blank look on her face…. Damn it! I should probably go out there. What if Tanya calls the cops? I'm sure Bella getting arrested would prompt Jake to release that video of me….

"HELLO?" Tanya screamed once more and I quickly dismissed any idea I had of going to save Bella. I was not about to get into the middle of this. Frankly, this whole idea was hers anyway and Jake went along with it, so she can figure it out on her own. Bella got herself into this predicament; she can get herself out of it. Maybe if they didn't spend all night planning their outfits they could have come up with a plan in case a situation like this arose. And maybe if they just listened to me I could have just called my assistant like I planned and I would be back in Carmel, instead of dealing with all this shit.

Time seemed to be at a standstill. _Say something! I thought to myself, anything_! Well, except that you came here with me. _Please! _Suddenly, the only thing I wanted was to be back in Carmel. Come on Bella, JUST. SAY. SOMETHING! I was staring at her with such intensity, I felt like she had to know what I was thinking.

Suddenly, it was if she snapped back to reality. Her posture straightened and she was towering over Tanya. "I am zee doog valker" Bella said in some kind of accent, I think it was Russian but it was kind of hard to tell from so far away. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. _The dog walker?_

I strained to listen to the conversation, this is something I had to hear.

"You? You are a dog walker?" Tanya asked skeptically. "Dressed like that?" I couldn't see her face but I just knew her nose was scrunched up and she was probably boring holes into Bella. For some reason, I couldn't help but pity Bella, Tanya had an uncanny way of making everyone feel inferior.

My eyes hesitantly drifted towards Bella and I was surprised to see her square her shoulders. She was almost a foot taller than Tanya with those ridiculous shoes on. "Dah." She said, still keeping up with her Russian accent and giving a look so fierce it even made me feel uncomfortable.

_It looks like someone met their match._

Tanya was quite for a moment, like she was mulling something over in her head. "What service are you with?"

Oh fuck I thought to myself. I just sat there, praying she would pull something out of her ass. "I" Bella pointed at herself, "valk" she made a walking gesture with her fingers, "Doog." She made a sound that echoed 'woof'.

I could barely make out what Tanya said next but I knew that Bella couldn't keep up this charade forever. Tanya was going to call her bluff and the three of us needed to be gone when she did.

Just then, like he somehow sensed the urgency, Riley ran up to me wagging his tail and licking me all over. I peeked around the Cabana again and saw that Tanya still had her back to me, so I got up and stealthily stood a little ways behind her, sandwhiched between her and the house. I waved my hands, managing to grab Bella's attention and I held up two fingers. _Please God let her understand this_. She started speaking again and I slowly backed into the house through the open French doors with Riley trailing at my feet. Once I was safely out of view, I turned around and let out the breath I was holding. This was so nerve wracking, I'm definitely going to need a Valium when this is all done, I hope Bella brought them with her. I started walking through the living room and it only took me a nanosecond to realize that the room was empty except for a leather recliner. _My leather recliner_. Where is all the furniture? And pictures? Is Tanya moving out? My heart felt like it was on the floor. I guess we really are done? I stood there taking in the empty room and I felt a wave of depression sweep over my body. It's like the world went static, the only thing I registered is that we really are done.

_But what if I'm not ready for it to be over?_

Riley let out one bark and I suddenly snapped back to reality. I crouched down on the floor in a moment of panic, hoping that Tanya didn't hear Riley and decide to come investigate. _I can worry about this later I told myself._ I crawled on my hands and knees, like some kind of idiot, to where we kept Riley's leash. I folded the green leather strap into thirds and put it in Riley's mouth so he could carry it out. He took it all too enthusiastically and followed me back through the house. I peeked through the glass doors and saw that Tanya still had her back to me. I made my way back behind the Cabana giving Bella thumbs up. "Go to Tanya." I said to Riley once I was back in position and scratched him behind the ear. He tilted his head to the side then quickly ran off towards the two girls.

* * *

**BPOV**

By some miracle of God, the little dog-beast came trotting up to us holding his leash in his mouth. _Aww, that's so cute, he wants to go for a walk _I thought to myself and I quickly realized this was what Edward went inside for, to send me the dog so we could get out of here. And let's face it, I needed to get away from Tanya before she found the gaping holes in my story, AKA the fact I couldn't tell her a name of who hired me or the company I worked for. We've been flirting around those questions for the past couple of minutes and something was telling me my language barrier wasn't going to last much longer.

"Vee go for valk now." I said as I bent down and hesitantly went to take the leash from the dog's mouth but I was kind of nervous to put my hand so close to its large teeth. What if it went all Cujo on me and suddenly I was missing a finger? I mean, like I would never be able to wear gloves again. _Ever. W_ho wants to walk around with that piece of fabric flapping in the breeze? Not me that's for damn sure! And you can only rock mittens so often, I mean they are totally inconvenient. "Nice doogy" I said as I tapped Riley twice on the head. "Doogy vant to go vor valk?" I carefully went to grab the leash and I was so thankful when the dog just let me take it.

That thankfulness only lasted about 2.5 seconds, when I realized the entire thing was covered in slobber. _Disgusting._ I wiped my hand on my pants but it only made the entire thing worse. Leather isn't a very absorbent material after all.

"Ve be vack." I said walking away from Tanya before she had the chance to stop me.

I almost made it inside when I heard Tanya scream. Oh no! Did she find Edward. I quickly spun around and saw Tanya running up behind me. Well, into me was more like it. I stepped to the side to avoid a collision and stared at her expectantly. What did she want now?

"Aren't you going to put his leash on?" She said crossing her arms over her chest and giving me a nasty smirk.

Seriously, I've had it up to here with this bitch. I don't know how Edward put up with her for so long. I've known her for five minutes and I already want to shave off her eyebrows while she's sleeping. I looked at the leash in my hand and then I looked down at the dog. I guess it would make sense if the leash was actually attached to the dog… but how do I do that? I took a moment but I managed to clip the leash onto the dog's ugly spiked collar. Seriously, my first priority is to get Riley a new one, there is no way any dog of mine is going to be wearing that hideous thing. I'm sure I could call Lorraine and she could design some beautiful one of a kind collar for Riley.

"Dah." I said to Tanya as I started walking again. Hey, maybe while I'm at it, Lorraine could design a chic matching necklace for me. Well, not too matchey-matching, just similar enough to still be chic.

"Where do you think you're going?" She said snottily and I had to fight the urge to slap her. She was really getting on my nerves. Thank God I scheduled an emergency session with Lee Tea tonight, my vibratory levels are so low my body is consumed with negative energy. I turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"You're not going through my house. Go around and buzz the gate when you get back, I don't like the fact that you think you can just waltz in here like you own the place. You're the help and you're encroaching on my private oasis."

I had so many issues with that last statement I couldn't even wrap my head around it. And hello? Private oasis? You live in a shack in the Hills. Get real. The only thing preventing me from throwing my Louboutin at her head was the fact that I really didn't have time to be arrested for assault today. Anyway, I was going to have the last laugh, so it was totally worth it. Plus, I was totally the prettier one. I walked around the house and down the driveway. We stood at the closed gates for what felt like a century and I panicked, thinking I was busted. When I was just about to ditch the dog and slip through the bars, the wrought iron gate opened and Riley and I were free.

As soon as my foot hit the pavement, camera's started flashing and people were yelling.

Fucking Paparazzi. Oh my God! They're not supposed to see me! I started hurriedly walking down the street, well as fast as I could in five inch heels. I made it about twenty feet and I was just about to pass out from overexertion when I realized that I had a costume on. I didn't need to run! They would never recognize me! I slowed my pace and started swaying my hips back and forth, trying not to look like I was in as much pain as I was. Seriously, these shoes were horrible.

"Can you give us a comment as to how Tanya's holding up?" One of the Pap's shouted and I actually stopped dead in my tracks… I know that voice. _What the fuck is he doing as a Pap?_

I turned to face my ex-boyfriend and froze, he was looking way hotter than I anticipated. His shoulder length blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and he was wearing a black Rolling Stones tee with distressed jeans. A pair of aviators blocked his eyes but I noticed that dark blonde hair dusted his face, like he had just started growing a beard. He looked unkempt, like he might smell a little and I felt my heart leap out of my chest. _He looked so good._

"James?" I said somewhat confused as Riley was pulling on the leash, obviously wanting to keep on walking. The camera flashed a couple of times in my face and I was momentarily blinded.

* * *

**JAKE POV**

"Get in the van, Penny!" I shouted at the blond bimbo standing in front of me. What are the freaking odds of James fucking Screen moonlighting as a paparazzi? Furthermore, what are the odds of him being one of the paparazzi outside the house Bella just broke into?

Seriously, I need a drink.

She looked at me and then looked back at James. I saw her open her mouth and I held down on the horn, so there was a long, loud beeping noise blocking out whatever idiot comment she was going to make to this fool. The last thing I need is for Bella to divulge her identity to James so he can sell a story of how she is a dog thief to Radar Online.

James turned around and started slinging some expletives at me and I realized I was going to have to take drastic measures. I put the van in park and got out of the car. I walked over to Bella, grabbed her arm and ushered her and the smelly mutt into the van.

"Are you fucking dumb?" I whispered in her ear. I climbed back into the musty van and sped off towards Beverly Hills.

"First off, James smells like stale cigarettes and scotch. How you were ever interested dumpy little trash bag is beyond ridiculous. Let alone the fact you got expelled from school over him is a travesty in itself and you need to seriously reevaluate your life."

Bella crawled into the front seat and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Excuse me Mr. I-made-out-with-Boy-George-at-Charlie's-New-Year's-party, if anyone needed to reevaluate their life it was you. In that moment." She shot me a nasty glare.

I gasp and put a hand to my chest. "How dare you bring up boy George!" I shrieked. "You know I was on E and we swore on Alexander McQueen we'd never bring that up again!" I felt the wave of embarrassment wash over me. "EVER!" I screamed.

"Then don't talk about James!" She spat.

I was too ashamed to speak, so we sat silently for a minute. Plus, I was waiting for an apology that would probably never come.

"James dumped me." She blurted out and the shock of her statement all most made me crash the van. All most.

"Really!?" My voice was about two octaves higher than usual, which technically shouldn't have been possible since my voice was already high to begin with. I cleared my throat, let's try this again. "Really?" I managed to sound more like myself, "did he say why?" I stole a quick glance at Izz and she was staring out the window absentmindedly.

"He said I was a psycho. Then Victoria got on the phone and said I was out." I couldn't believe my ears. From Izz's dating record, more guys have dumped her than I can count but not once has she ever admitted to being the dumpee. Even when John Mayer wrote a song about how difficult it was to break up with her because she was out of her fucking mind, she still sticks to the story that she was the one to break it off and the song couldn't possibly be about her. (Even though he references her 'fuck off' tattoo under her right boob)

This was seriously concerning.

"Izz, you should be celebrating. I wouldn't touch that guy if I had a full body condom on." I flipped an imaginary hair out of my face for dramatic effect.

"He said I was the Edie Sdegwick-"

I couldn't hear this again, I had to cut her off. "Bitch, I Googled that Edie hoe you're always talking about, why the hell would you want to be her? She a drug addict who OD'S!" Seriously, this girl was all sorts of screwed up. "Anyway, Andy Warhol looked like a Dr Seuss character, any person with working eyeballs wouldn't touch him with a thirty foot pole, now Bob Dylan on the other hand is worth going to rehab for."

"But isn't it romantic? Her life is a tragedy. Just like mine." She said absentmindedly.

"The only tragedy is that you're still hung up on this loser." I retorted. Was she seriously delusional?

"The heart wants what the heart wants, Jakey." She said smiling at me.

"Then we are in some serious need for cocktails." I said as a smile broke out on my face.

When we pulled into the little back alley near my office, we were greeted by Edward. The moment Izzy got out of the car she was scooped up by Edward who pulled her into the biggest/longest hug I think I've ever witnessed in my life. The whole thing was extremely embarrassing to witness because Izzy was as stiff as a board, so clearly uncomfortable since we never really grew up in an affectionate household. I was really the only one to hug her and that was usually accompanied by some Queenlike backhanded compliment so her ego wouldn't get even more out of control.

"I can't believe it worked!" He said placing Izz back on the ground and giving her one last squeeze. "You were fucking incredible! I can't believe you pulled that off!" He said as he rested his hands on her shoulders. I watched Izz as she shrugged out of his embrace and walked over to the door where I was standing with Riley. She had the dopiest look on her face and I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something…..

Damn, did I really need a drink.

Thirty minutes later, all the clothes I pulled were neatly placed in the changing room, Riley was walked and left with a bowl of water and we were off to Chateau Marmount to celebrate.

When the three of us walked into Bar Marmount, we were immediately seated at a corner table. I got a bottle of patron for us and before you know it, I was pouring the three of us drinks.

I held up my shot glass to make a toast. "To being fine ass betches." I said and Izzy laughed as shook her blond wig out of her eyes. She clinked her glass to mine and Edward, the ever Debby Downer, just tossed his drink back without acknowledging our little toast.

Several shots later I was feeling fucking fantastic while Edward was sitting there moping. Once again."Gorgeous, what's got you so down?" I asked batting my long lashes. They were extra fabulous since I just got my eyelash extensions redone.

"Tanya's moving out of our house." He said as he kicked back another shot of Patron.

Izzy snorted and tossed a lime wedge at him. "Why do you like her? Sche'sh scho blaaahhh." She rolled her head around to exaggerate Tanya's blahness. "Jakey, you would've DIED if you schaw her." She went to pour herself another shot and the liquid sloshed all over the table. "Sche schaid I wasch interrupting her private oasisch" she giggled and held up her shot glass. "Thisch is for the assholesh who broke our heartsch, may they get herpesch and receding hair linesch!" She said enthusiastically and tossed back her shot.

"HERPES!" I shouted and tossed back my shot. We both stared at Edward waiting for him to join our celebration.

"I love her." He mumbled and took his shot. Jesus, he is such a bad time. "Juscht call her then." I shouted and poured myself another shot. I haven't gotten this drunk in ages and it felt good.

"I can't." He whined.

I looked at Izz and she looked like she was going to explode. "I can't take thisch anymore! She wobbily stood up and lunged herself at Edward. "What the fuck? Get off!" He said trying to push her off of him and I was midly amused at what the hell was going on… Was she trying to take advantage of him in the middle of the bar? Way to pull a Lohan. After some fumbling she finally pulled out a black Iphone and I was a little disappointed to see that that was her goal.

"Call her. You know you want tooooo." She dangled the phone in front of him and he snatched it out of her hands. "What do I say?" He said as I poured him another shot. He quickly downed it and looked at Bella wide eyed.

"Tell her you looooooooveeeee her." She sung as she grabbed the bottle of Patron taking a sip straight from the bottle.

It was all the encouragement he needed, the next thing I know. Edward has the phone to his ear and he's cursing under his breath. Izzy grabbed the phone and put it on speaker. The three of us sat there staring at the phone, waiting for Tanya to pick up.

Sadly, after several rings, the phone went to voicemail.

"What do I say?" His eyes were wild. The phone beeped and he was silent. The three of us were silent, all staring at one another. After a moment, Izzy grabbed the phone. "Hey. You schtuck up bitch whosch a bitch. Guesch who got the lascht laugh" She was silent for a minute. "ME!" She yelled. "And . I am nota dog walker." The way she said it made her sound like Borat and I was doubling over with laughter. She hung up the phone and had a huge smile plastered across her face.

I couldn't help the howling laughter that took over my body. Holy shit! _So much for Edward confessing his love for her. _He just stared at the phone open mouthed. Then, the unexpected happened, he started laughing. Which only made the three of us laugh harder. "I thought you were supposed to be Russian!" He said between giggles.

Izzy was wiping the tears from her face. "I wasch! I wasch trying to be Russchian." She said in her slurred Borat voice.

"What the fuck am I missing?" I asked wiping the tears from my own face, careful not to touch my lashes.

"It's our secret." Edward said pouring himself another shot of Patron.

I was never one to be left out. "Oh hell nooooo boyfriend." I said as I snatched his shot from him, quickly tossing it back. "You can not take my sischter away from me." I said putting the little glass down on the table with more force than I meant to. "Sche isch my bescht friend and I love her." I grabbed Izzy's face and smushed her cheeks together. "Even if sche looksch like a Schmurf!" I squealed and started laughing even harder.

"I don't look like a Schmurf!" Izzy screamed and downed the last of the Patron.

"True." Edward chimed in. "It's more like an Avatar." He said playfully swatting Izzy's arm and the three of us burst into hysterics.

That's when everything started to get hazy and the last thing I remembered, I was calling Raul for a ride back to my office to check on the Golden Nugget. The three of us stumbled out of Chateau Marmount at around five oclock in the morning and Izzy was getting a piggy back ride from Edward as we were exiting the hotel. As soon as we stepped outside, we were bombarded by flashing lights.

"JAMESCH SCHREEN HASCH A CHODE!" Izzy yelled as Raul held the door open for us, trying to keep the paparazzi at bay. The three of us piled in the black Audi, laying on top of one another.

...

I groaned and rolled over. The only thing I wanted was a glass of water and maybe In-N-Out Burger. And definitely an IV drip of nausea medicine and fluids. I opened one eye and immediately regretted it. I laid there for a couple more moments and realized I needed some pain pills. I sat up and realized I was sleeping on an assortment of throw pillows cuddled up next to a smelly dog. _What the fuck is going on here? _I looked around my trashed office and groaned. Fuck, the last thing I want to do is clean this mess up. I looked over to the couch, which apparently was a pull out, (who knew) to find that two bodies were snuggled up on it.

_Edward and Izzy. _

No way! I walked over to the sleeping duo and saw that Edward was big spooning Izzy, draping his arm over her and they were holding hands. The two of them looked so cute and perfect together. I was so freaking happy, tears sprung to my eyes. Well, either that I was in so much pain from my hand over I was crying, but I was trying to be optimistic. I can't believe it! Edward and Izzy, snuggling. Together? I walked over towards my desk and grabbed a handful of Advil washing it down with an open Smart Water.

I walked back over to where Edward and Izz were fast asleep and stood there confused..

_I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON!_ I SMIRKED AND CRAWLED BACK INTO MY MAKESHIFT BED.

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**it's the end of mopey Edward! Hooray! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so thrilled over everyone who has favorited and followed this story! You guys are awesome! **

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* * *

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

"Jake" I said shaking my brother but he was dead to the world. "Jake" I said, shaking his shoulder more vigorously this time. He groggily opened an eye and quickly shut it again. "Jake. Get the fuck up right now. I need you." I whispered fiercely in his ear.

"Leave me alone." He grumbled and rolled on his side.

I was in no mood for this. I'm hungry, I slept in leather pants and I needed a freaking shower. Plus, I woke up practically suffocating because Edward was sprawled out on top of me. _What the hell happened last night?_ I need a recap from my beloved brother because obviously Edward confessed his love for me last night but I can't exactly remember how it went down. _He did tell me I was amazing…_The whole situation made me extremely nervous and that was an emotion I just did not do.

"Please get up." I whined.

"Izz, I will staple your mouth closed if you say one more word. Do not test me hooker, I'm hung-over and I slept on the freaking floor. Can you please just shut up for five more hours? I can't deal with your shit right now." He didn't even open his eyes.

"I can't deal with my shit right now!" I pleaded "I need to talk to you!" I grabbed his Quest shirt and tried to shake him.

"Aargaahhhhhh" Jake yelled and I quickly placed my hand over his mouth.

"SSSSHHHHHH! You'll wake Edward up!" I whispered and quickly looked back over at Edward. He was still fast asleep, snuggling with Riley, who looked extremely happy in the spot I just vacated.

"Oh you don't want to wake Edward up!" His words were muffled underneath my hand but I still understood him. "What about me!" He whined.

"I'll do anything!" I said pleadingly.

He pulled my hand off his mouth. "Fine! Were getting food."

I just nodded in agreement. I'd go anywhere just so I didn't have to be here right now.

"Get dressed. I'm not going to be seen in public with someone who's wearing the clothes they slept in." He rubbed his eyes as slowly got up and retreated into the tiny bathroom.

Well, that wouldn't be difficult. The best thing about Jake's office was the fact that it was overflowing with the best clothes and they were all my size. I was like an alcoholic in a liquor store. I found a fantastic Alice + Olivia long sleeved, sequined crop top and quickly discarded the one I was wearing in favor of sparkly one and checked my reflection in the mirror, not bad. The hem of the shirt met the top of my leather pants and I have to say, the two looked fantastic together. Which was a relief because I don't think I'd be able to get these pants off, I think they somehow fused to my legs overnight. I walked over to his wall of shoes and immediately gravitated towards a pair of Giuseppi Zanotti white python print platform pumps. They were fucking everything. I quickly slid the shoes on and was a little disappointed to find that they were about a size to small but I was just going to have to suffer.

I pulled my ratty hair back into a ponytail and was admiring my appearance in the 360 degree mirror when Jake walked back into the room.

"Let's go heifer." He snapped twice and I turned around to see he was in head to toe black with a light grey skull print scarf wrapped around his neck. He was also wearing a pair of oversized black Gucci Aviators and distressed leather motorcycle boots. He looked like a gay Hell's Angel.

"Love your look" I said as I grabbed my bag and walked towards the back door.

"I see you raided my racks." He held the door open for me and I carefully made my way down the steps. It's hard to walk in six inch heels that don't exactly fit.

"Did you leave me any choice?" I said as I slid into the passenger seat of Jakes Range. I pulled down the vanity mirror and sighed. My face was looking a little worse for wear. My eyes were a disaster. My eyeliner everywhere it wasn't supposed to be and the smokey shadow I was sporting yesterday migrated towards the creases. I tried my best to even it out with my finger but it was no use. I just slid on my aviators and sighed.

The whole drive we were silent. Jake even snapped at me when I tried to turn on the radio. He was in some mood. We pulled up outside our breakfast spot and I wanted to die. "The _IVY_?" I screamed. Jake got out of the car and tossed the keys to the valet. I huffed and stalked out of the car. "Do we really have to eat here?"

"Shut it down, bitch. Don't say another word until I've had my coffee."

Geeze, someone's being a bit of a diva this morning….We were quickly seated at an outside table and before the Maitre D could leave, Jake started barking his order at her. "I need a Bloody Mary, a black coffee with Baileys and a shot of tequila." He started waving his hand around and he looked extremely flustered. "No, forget the tequila." He said looking up at the actress who was obviously waiting for her big break. She looked like every other blonde bimbo in LA: fried hair, cheap extensions, huge boobs and some botched Botox. The only difference was she still had her original nose, no doubt because she couldn't afford to get it fixed yet.

"Tell it to your server." She said as she tossed two menus onto the table giving Jake an icy glare. She paused and turned to walk away.

"Excuse me!" Jake snapped back.

She stopped short and gave us both a dirty look.

_Oh shit_. _This was about to get very interesting. _I watched Jake straighten up in his seat. "Let me break it down for you, _honey_." He cocked his head to the side. "You might want to work on your customer service skills because you're going to be spending a lot of time waiting tables." He pointed a finger at her and moved it up and down. "You're never gonna make it in Hollywood looking like Meth-head Barbie. Now bring me my drinks before I lose my temper." He turned and faced me.

I couldn't help the giggle that erupted. I forgot how bitchy Jake is in the morning. The girl just stood there opening and shutting her mouth. He turned back to her. "Why are you still here?" He bellowed. "And if you so much as think of doing something to my drinks, they'll be splashed across your imitation Stella McCartney get up." He whipped his head around as she stalked off. "You're not fooling anybody!" He shouted after her.

I couldn't help but stare at him with my mouth open. "What's got your panties in a twist?" I said as I looked back over my shoulder, our Maitre D was crying on some other girls shoulder.

I looked back at Jake as he lifted his glasses and gave me a nasty glare. "I will call every paparazzi in town if you speak one more word." He slowly lowered his glasses and pursed his lips.

_Well, what a freaking bitch._

A few moments later the manager arrived with Jakes drinks, along with a bottle of Armand De Brignac and a carafe of orange juice. "My sincerest apologies Miss Swan, Mr. Swan" He turned to each of us as he said our names. "Jolene is new. Please enjoy this, it's on the house." He gestured to the bottle of Champagne.

"Thanks." I said giving him a tight smile.

"It's my pleasure, Miss Swan." He gave me a smile that made my stomach churn. What a kiss ass. "And if you don't mind me saying. I am a huge fan of your father. Quest really brings me back to my youth."

"We mind." Jake piped in, grabbing his Bloody Mary and taking a large sip. "Thanks for the bubs." He tipped his glass and Mr. Kiss ass took the hint. He bowed slightly. "Your server will be right with you. Let me know if I can get you anything else." He popped the bottle and quickly walked off.

Jesus, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why was I constantly surrounded by crazy people? Frist Edward and now Jake…. I grabbed the bottle of Champaign and poured the liquid in a glass, which I topped off with a splash of OJ. Nothing like the hair of the dog, I thought as I gulped the entire contents. I quickly refilled my glass. I looked at Jake and was about to open my mouth when he held up a hand. Geeze, if I knew he was going to be this way I'd have called up Jessica to vent to.

We sat together in awkward silence and it was one of those moments when I wished I still had my cell phone. If only I hadn't broken it… Fucking James…. I wonder what he is up to. And what the hell was he doing as a Paparazzo? Was he strapped for cash or something? So much for that gallery opening he was talking about.

Just then a timid looking girl walked up to the table. "Hi I'm Mallory, I'll be your server this morning. What can I get you?" She gave me a shy smile, I noticed she wouldn't even make eye contact with Jake. Poor thing.

"I'll take a coffee and an egg white omelet with arugula and spinach." I pushed my unopened menu to the side and picked up my drink.

"I'll have the French Toast." Jake spat.

"Ok great!" She said backing away from the table. "It'll be right out." She quickly turned on her heel and sprinted off.

"You scared the poor girl." I said hoping Jake wouldn't bite my head off.

He shrugged a shoulder and picked up his glass. "Shit happens."

I let out a puff of air and stared out into the street. The rest of our meal continued like this, except I drank to fill the silence.

We were leaving the restaurant when Jake slung an arm around my shoulder. "Now it's time to settle up your debt." He squealed. I was buzzed, so I was up for anything. Plus I still wanted to talk to him about a certain copper haired Englishman.

The two of us walked down Robertson with our arms linked together when we stopped in front of a salon called Bleach. _What was this about? _"I've been dying to do something about your hair since I saw you the other day." He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me inside the salon.

"Sammy! We're here!" He called out and I whipped around. I was in no mood for a makeover by Jake, the last time he did this to me I looked like a younger version of my mother. And I still haven't fully recovered from that yet. "No way!" I whined.

Just then a strikingly handsome boy walked out to greet us. He looked like a Calvin Klein model and I stood up a little taller and stuck my small chest out. "Jakey!" He called and walked over to us with his arms spread.

Oh, I deflated like a balloon. It was no use, he was gay. Jake grabbed his shoulders and kissed him once on each cheek. Way to be pretentious I thought. "This is her?" He said to Jake as he stepped towards me. His eyes were racking over my features and I stood there bored with it all.

"You have fucking fantastic bone structure." He grabbed my chin and tilted my head to the side. "Seriously, you're face is exactly symmetrical." I let out a deep sigh. He tilted my head back and quickly started tapping a finger on my forehead. "Don't scowl, it makes you look ugly." He gave me a small smile. "Jared." He yelled. "This needs to go." He grabbed a section from my pony tail and gave me a face that looked like he just sucked a lemon. "Immediately."

"Excuse me." I grabbed his hand removing it from my body. He was seriously encroaching on my personal space and he just called me ugly. Who did he think he was talking to? I was so over it. "The only thing that needs to go is your attitude."

He let out a shrill laugh. "Feisty. I like it. Must run in the family." He walked over to Jake and squeezed his bicep. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Just then, another young guy walked up to us, he looked like a clone of Sammy but shorter and skinnier. He let out a squeal and pulled me into a long hug.

"Oh my God!" He turned to Sammy and started bouncing up and down. "This is like a dream." He grabbed my hand and ushered me into a salon chair. He pulled the elastic out of my hair and started running his fingers through my long locks.

"Girl, you are like my spirit animal! I lived for your blog. Why'd you ever get rid of it?" He said as he was finger combing my hair. I'm assuming this was a rhetorical question because he never gave me the chance to respond and it was public knowledge that I had to for legal reasons. "When you would write those poems about the guys you dated, I just died. The one about Gerard Butler was my favorite. How did it go again?" He placed on hand on his hip and one on his chin. "Wait, don't tell me! He started reciting my poem:

___You call me on the phone  
__And ask if I'm alone  
__Little do you know  
__You're the center of the show  
__Cuz I put the phone on speaker  
E__very time you touch your wiener  
__And since you're such a hog  
__I'm putting it on my blog  
__Everybody take a listen  
__Cuz Gerard likes to be pissed on_

I couldn't hide the smile that spread across my face. That was one of my best poems. If only Gerard's lawyers didn't send me that Cease and Desist letter, I think my blog could have been turned into a movie or something. He totally ruined my life.. Well maybe just like a month of my life. Writing wasn't really my thing…

"So, was it true or what? He likes to be pissed on?" He grabbed a wide tooth comb and started brushing my hair.

I shrugged a shoulder. Truthfully, that was one of the less disgusting things he liked to do. He was into some really weird shit, and that's saying something coming from me. I like my kink as much as the next girl but I draw the line at banging in a Porta-potty at Coachella. That is just fucking nasty. "That was only the tip of the iceberg."

Just then Jake came and sat down in the chair next to me, handing me a bottle of Smart Water. "What are we gossiping about ladies?"

"Izzy's relationships." Jared stated. "So, are you dating anyone now?"

Jake snorted and I shot him a nasty glare. "Yeah Izz, tell me, how are things with Casper? You looked awful _cozy_ this morning." He said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Casper!" Jared squealed. "Who is Casper? Is he cute?"

"Very." Jake nodded enthusiastically. "But before we get into that, we need to discuss hair." Jake got up and grabbed Jared by the arm and they disappeared.

Hmph, what the hell. This was my hair, didn't I get a say in it? "Where are you going?" I screamed. It was no use, they left me alone.

A couple of minutes later, Jake returned taking a seat in the chair he just vacated. "So spill, what have you been neglecting to tell me?" He gave me a pointed stare.

I knitted my eyebrows together. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Jake rolled his eyes. "One" He held up a manicured finer "stop doing that, you know wrinkles stress me out. Two," he held up another finger. "Like four days ago the guy could barely tolerate you and now you guys are canoodling all over town."

"I wouldn't say he couldn't _tolerate _me. It just takes some people a little while to warm up to all this." I said moving my hands from my head down my torso.

Jake snorted. "I'll say. I still haven't quite warmed up to you yet."

"Whatever" I flipped my hair over my shoulder. "I know you love me."

"So, you bumpin' uglies or what?" He said a little exasperated.

I all most spit out my water. "Honey, nothing about me is ugly." I said taking another sip of water. "But no. Not yet anyway."

"Well, when you do just please, listen to this piece of advice." I just looked at him, what did I need advice for? I'm like totally fucking amazing at relationships. "Please don't get caught up in all his bullshit and PLEASE do not go all crazy, white female on his ass."

I gasp. "When have I ever done that?" I shrieked.

Jake held out one finger. "Let's see, besides your _latest_ relationship, there was the time you pretended to be a Vegan for Jared Leto and you got so crazy you would sneak McDonald's in your bedroom every night."

"I don't see how that is bad." I retorted.

"LUPE FOUND CHICKEN MCNUGGETS IN YOUR BED!" He wailed.

"Whatever. It was like one chicken McNugget." Three tops, I thought to myself.

"Fine." He held up another finger. "What about Paris?" He lifted a perfectly arched eyebrow. Just then Jared returned with three different bowls of color. I eyed them curiously.

"For the last time! I only tried crack like three times! God! Haven't you gotten over that yet?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I was so sick of talking about that whole crack/ street performing thing. Hasn't anyone heard of doing as the locals do? "Anyway, everyone knows you have to do it five times to get addicted, so technically I was being responsible."

Jared gasp. "You did crack?"

I looked up at him through the mirror, giving him a nasty glare.

He held up both hands. "Sorry. Just pretend I'm not here." He draped a cape around my shoulers and started sectioning off my hair.

"Ok then, John. Mayer." It was all he had to say.

I mulled that one over in my head. I mean, I guess tattooing his name on my ass _was_ a little much (the removal process was a total bitch) and I probably shouldn't have called all his ex-girlfriends to find out what exactly went wrong in their relationship, but , like what's a girl to do? I was just trying to learn from their mistakes, that was totally a mature move on my part. Though, looking back on it now, I guess it was kind of creepy and I can totally understand why Jessica Simpson wouldn't tell me what the hell she was doing to be called sexual napalm, and frankly I guess I never figured out if that was a good thing or bad... Then, there was that whole issue of me trying to fire all his female employee's and replacing them with super fab gay men... He certainly didn't appreciate that like I thought he would.. I mean, the demise of that relationship wasn't totally my fault, he was really ungrateful but I did get a little cray cray over Johnny. Honestly though, can you blame me? "Fine. But what am I suppose to do?" I tried to glance over at Jake but Jared quickly turned my head around.

"Like I would know? The only successful, long term relationship I've had is with Brenda at Fred Segal."

I blew out a puff of air…. Well, that isn't going to help me.

"Anyway, Izz. It's been great but I have to go. You know, _work."_ He got out of his chair and stood. "And as much as I loved your lil visit, I need my office back and you have to go back to Car-"

"Car-Providence" I shouted.

"Yeah, Providence. Whatever. I'll make arrangements for someone to pick you up. How long will it be?"

"At least five hours." Jared said, working away on my head.

"FIVE HOURS!?" I snapped.

"Perfect. Love you. Bye." Jake said as he started to walk out. "And if I see you at my office tonight I'm calling Perez Hilton." He shouted.

I let out a sigh. Well, way to kick me to the curb… I looked at my hair and I was covered in foil and the smell of bleach was burning my nose. This is fucking torture.

"So who's this Casper guy? Dish girl!" Jared said as he sectioned off another piece of my hair.

"No one." I said, suddenly pissed at everyone.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Thanks Heidi for doing this." I said to my assistant as she was pulling a suitcase out of the trunk of her car.

"No problem." She said placing the heavy bag on the ground. "If you don't mind me asking, where were you staying anyway?" She said as she leaned against the side of her car.

I took the bag and put it into the back of the white sports car. Seriously, the Swans had a fucking awesome collection of cars. I would kill to spend some time in that garage. I can't believe Jake let me use this car to run my errands and furthermore, I can't believe he was cool with letting Riley in the car. I guess he just didn't want the dog in his office anymore…. "I'm just staying at a friend's house for awhile." I got another suitcase out of the trunk of her car.

"Right. So, how are you holding up? Have you talked to Tanya?"

I ran a hand through my hair, the closest I'd come to speaking with her was the voicemail Bella left her and accidently running into her at our house. Though, I did have a bunch of missed calls from her and my voice mailbox was full, so I'm assuming she left me some messages. I just didn't have the balls to lisen to them. "Not yet…."

"Are you going to talk to her?" She asked.

I didn't really feel like talking about this, especially in the CVS parking lot where we met up. "Heidi, thanks for everything but I really have to get going if I'm going to catch my flight on time…" I said closing her trunk.

"Yeah, no problem." She said. "I'll email you pictures of the houses I'm looking at this week…." She turned and got into her black BMW.

"Sounds good and thanks for everything." I said as I shut her door and walked around the Porsche, sliding in the driver's seat. I checked my phone and there was a text message from Jake. How the fuck did he get my number? I guess I shouldn't really be surprised….

**3:45**:737 Robertson Blvd, back entrance Izz will be waiting. Remember, I'll be watching you.

That wasn't fucking creepy at all. I plugged the address into the cars navigation system and I turned to Riley. "Get ready buddy, Bella is one fucked up individual." I scratched his ear and put the car into gear.

I drove down Robertson Boulevard and my nerves were on edge. I already saw several paparazzi and I was just praying that they didn't see me. Thankfully, the windows of the Porsche were heavily tinted.

"You have arrived at your destination." A woman's voice filled the car and I pulled to the side and hit my four ways. What the hell was this place? And where was Bella? After waiting for several minutes, I looked at the time, 4:02, if we were going to make our 5:00 flight we needed to leave. Against my better judgment, I pulled down the brim of the Providence hat I was wearing and got out of the car. I jogged into the salon and was greeted by a little guy sitting up front behind a long counter.

"Hey." I started hitting my palm against the cool marble. "I'm here to pick someone up." I said nervously.

"Oh. My. God." He wailed. He was shaking his hands back and forth like he was trying to fan himself off and I instantly cringed. _I know that reaction_. "You're-"

"Yeah, yeah." I said cutting him off. "I'm kind of in a hurry, so can you tell Bella I'm here… I'm double parked outside." I explained.

"Bella?" He knitted his eyebrows together and sounded confused…. "Um… there's no Bella here."

"She left?" I shrieked. Fuck! This was going to be so bad… "Jake said to pick her up here! I don't get how she could have left all ready, he only texted me like ten minutes ago!" I was talking out loud to myself.

"Jake?" He said and was silent for a moment like he was thinking about something. "Oh. My. God." He said and started doing that thing with his hands again. "You're with IZZY!" He screamed. "OH MY GOD!" He was jumping up and down.

Fuck, how did this get so out of hand?

"What are you screaming about?" I heard another voice and suddenly a man who looked exactly like this first guy walked up to us. Great, here's another person who's going to find out about me and Bella. Well, technically there isn't even anything to find out but there is no way these guys are going to believe it. I looked between the two of them and the first guy was still freaking out, babbling incoherently. The second guy disappeared for a second and then reappeared with a beautiful brunette. Well, I guess technically she was half blonde, half brunette. She had one of those hairstyles where it was dark on the top and faded to blonde on the bottom…. Frankly, I was confused about that whole thing because if she was in a salon, why didn't she just get the whole thing blonde? _Fucking women, I'll never understand._

"Finally, I was waiting for fucking ever." A familiar voice said.

"Bella?" I said blinking a few times. Holy shit, I didn't even recognize her without the blue hair…. She looked like a normal girl… _She looked hot._ Hotter than normal.

"Yeah. Let's get a move on. I've all ready spent way too much time here. I'm starting to get claustrophobic." She said.

"Umm…. I don't think it works that way?" I said.

"Whatever." She turned to the first boy who was still obviously freaking out about seeing me. He was fanning himself with a clipboard. "Check my blog. I think it'll be back in production soon." She turned on a heel and walked out of the salon.

"Oh. My. God! He's!" He was spinning between the two of us. I couldn't even bare to hear what she told him. Frankly, I didn't want to know. I turned around and waved as I walked out of the salon. This was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. As soon as I stepped through the door, I was bombarded by flashing lights. _Holy fuck. They found me._

"Edward! Edward! Over here!" One man shouted

"How's Tanya?"

"I saw moving vans outside your house?"

"Who's the girl, Edward?"

I hustled over to the car where I saw Bella was all ready climbing inside. How the fuck did they not recognize her? This morning when I woke up in Jake's empty office, I had some free time, so I Googled her. I was amazed with the results. There were dozens of websites dedicated to her and she seemed to be a tabloid sensation. I felt like I knew almost every detail of her life, her sex life in particular, because apparently she documented every little aspect in a blog that she has since taken down. Apparently over legal issues, but not before people managed to take excerpts from it, of course.

I got into the car and Riley was jumping around in the backseat. His tail was wagging so much it was hitting me in the back of the head. I looked over at Bella and she was folded over in the front seat, pressing her face down between her knees. Her whole back was exposed, showcasing a small tattoo of red lips that she had on the side of her ribcage. Well, I guess on the bright side, they aren't going to get a picture of us together in the car. _Thank God._

"What are you waiting for! Drive!" She yelled.

"You got it." I carefully pulled out, trying not to run over any paparazzi that were standing directly in front of the car. I pressed down on the horn but of course, it did no good.

I managed to pull out into traffic and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Coast is clear." I said once we made it down a few blocks.

"Oh thank God!" She said as she sat up, flinging her long hair back.

"Why the fuck are you driving my car?" She turned to the back and started scratching Riley behind the ears.

"Your car?" I asked. "I had no idea. Jake just tossed me the keys and told me to get lost. I hope you don't mind." I stopped at a red light and looked in the rear view mirror as a red Jeep Cherokee pulled up beside us.

Suddenly, there was a succession of flashes.

"Those fucking assholes followed us!" Bella said turning her head so her back was to the car.

"Damn it!" I hit the steering wheel and as soon as the light turned green, I slammed on the gas. Which caused the car to lurch forward, the petal was so sensitive. "Just get us to Van Nuys!" She screamed.

I was dangerously weaving my way though the traffic laden street and I noticed the Cherokee was keeping up with me, never getting further than two car lengths behind me. What were these guys fucking NASCAR drivers? On several occasions Bella was screaming and cursing but I was trying my best to block her out, I needed to have all my concentration on driving so I didn't cause a major accident, that would really fuck us over.

After twenty agonizing minutes, I finally was driving on the ramp for the I-10.

"Fucking gun it once you get on the highway." Bella cried and I noticed she strapped on her seatbelt. I glanced back in the rearview mirror and saw that the Cherokee was getting on the ramp just behind us. I noticed there was a steady stream of cars on the interstate and I let out a sigh of relief that it wasn't gridlocked. Though, I doubt I could drive fast enough to make a getaway.

I was weaving in and out of traffic and I still hadn't managed to ditch the Paps by the time we went to merge on the 405. At this point I felt like we were never going to get rid of them and I was starting to panic because I did not want them to follow me to Van Nuys. They would definitely be able to get a photograph of Bella and I together there. Frankly, that was the worst case scenario. The last thing I wanted was a picture linking me with Bella after everything I read today. I thought that girl was crazy before and now I was straight up terrified to be stuck with her. What the fuck was she going to do to me? Or write about me? Didn't she say something back at the salon about her blog? Was she going to start that up again? I'm going to have to call my lawyer to send her some kind of memo saying she can't write about me…. _Fuck!_ I slapped my hand against the steering wheel. I wish I never read any of those things about her.

"What's your problem?" Bella asked. I glanced over at her and I noticed she was resting her feet up on the dash. How the fuck could she do that in such a nice car?

"I'm just worried about them." I glanced back in the rear view mirror. "I don't want them to photograph us at the airport."

She reached down and put on the radio. "Then let's not go to the airport." She said flipping through the stations on Sirius, she finally settled on a classic rock station that was playing AC/DC.

"What do you mean let's not go to the airport?" I said mocking her tone. "Jake booked a flight for us." I reasoned.

"So what?" She said. "Like he'll lose any sleep over it. Give me your phone." She said as she held her hand out.

I grabbed my phone from the pocket on the door and hesitantly handed it to her. She dialed a number and put the phone to her ear.

"Hey, it's Izz." She said and then was silent.

"My hair is fucking boring, so thanks for that." She spat.

I kind of liked her hair… it was a hellofa lot better than the blue.

"Anyway, cancel the flight. We're driving to Carmel instead."

Silence.

"Who gives a fuck if the flights in twenty minutes. I didn't see you asking me if I wanted to fly out today. And I certainly don't remember you asking me if Edward could use my car!" She wailed.

I heard yelling on the other end of the phone but I couldn't make out any words of the jumbled garb.

"You're so fucking dramatic! We're canceling a flight not launching a nuclear bomb."

More yelling.

"Whatever. You've been nothing but a bitch all day! I can't deal with it right now. Call me when your not pretending to PMS. Love and light." She hung up the phone and tossed it into a cup holder.

"You might want to pull off an exit and ditch the Paps because we're driving to Carmel."

"Why the fuck would you cancel our flight?" I yelled and Riley let out a yip in the backseat.

"Are you suffering from short term memory loss? You just said you didn't want to get photographed at airport, so I made that happen."

"Yeah! I didn't want to get photographed but I also don't want to drive all the way to Carmel again!" I tried to keep my voice even but it was extremely difficult.

"Jesus, you're just as dramatic as Jake." She said cranking up the radio. "Just enjoy the ride." She yelled over the music.

I glanced back in the rear view mirror and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. _What the fuck did I get myself into?_

* * *

_**Thoughts?**  
_


End file.
